Moment of Clarity

Time for another installment of Moment of Clarity. This Moment of Clarity comes from a conversation with my best friend and we were talking about adaptability at one point it went something like this...

I think we have in common is our adaptability to situations and I think that we both kind of look at challenges in a way like I can do this and get through it and I know that one of my fears is that I'll hit a wall one day that I can't walk through and maybe i'm not as strong as i think I am, but I think that adaptability sometimes can turn into a blockade and it blocks us from feeling things and expressing things and looking within ourselves and really having a strong sense of self. Honestly, I think, well I'm leaning more towards I know that-that adaptability is what has kept me from finding real love and being in a strong and healthy relationship. Sure I can identify what I like in a guy or what turns me on but I am so willing to adapt to what someone has to offer who I have some interest in that I haven't taken the time to flat out say I need this this this and this in a man and I want this this this in a man and I won't settle for anything but those things. I've realized that it really is me, and not in a bad way or anything but because I haven't identified who I am as someones lover or gf or wife or rather who I will be in those situations how can I expect to find the right relationship? But I'm still hopeful, I've identified the type of student I am what I want career wise the type of daughter i am the sister that I am and so on and so forth so I can get there it just may take me longer than figuring out those other things did but I'll make it there.

I Like This...

My Dad's wife put this on their refrigerator, apparently a lot of people think it was written by Maya Angelou but when I was looking for it online so I could share it on my blog I found out that was an incorrect thought, anyway here it is....



When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting, "I've been saved!"
I'm whispering, "I get lost! That's why I chose this way"

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak with human pride
I'm confessing that I stumble-needing God to be my guide

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strong
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success
I'm admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt

When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't think I know it all
I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught

When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect
My flaws are far too visible but God believes I'm worth it

When I say, "I am a Christian," I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartache which is why I seek His name

When I say, "I am a Christian," I do not wish to judge
I have no authority--I only know I'm loved


Copyright 1988 Carol Wimmer

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Moment of Clarity...

Sometimes I have these moments of clarity, it usually occurs when I actually use the counseling skills that I'm paying so much for, to evaluate and analyze the human condition, and I realize some important things. Usually I'm talking to someone else about an issue so I'm thinking I should start documenting these moments so that when I get into my funks or get down on issues that I have discussed with my friends I can see what my unclouded by emotions thought process would be if the tables were turned.

So this sessions moment of clarity is related to a conversation I was having with a friend about the frustrations of dating and about blame and self doubt and self worth and etc., etc., etc.

Basically I was taking the position that once you get to a certain point you do get frustrated with the entire process and you do begin to think that there must obviously be something wrong with you if you can't seem to get it right and so this is what I surmised:

"I can definitely understand starting to feel like it's you that is the problem but I don't think that it is always that black and white. I think the more people you date the more reasons you are going to come across that would keep it from working out whether it be issues with timing, personality differences, one or both people not knowing what they want or not being able to provide to the other person what they need or want, also people thinking they know what they want and when they get it coming to the realization that it isn't, then there is always the standard people trying to move on when they aren't ready to or aren't over the last person, and several other non-fault reasons along with all the other reasons that are based on fault. When we consider all of these things, I think it is easier to really see the difficulties that any single person out there may come up against and sometimes we will be the problem but not always and it won't always be as concrete as it being us or them, but the experience provides us with the opportunity to test our self esteem and idea of self worth and our patience. I think more often than not hind site is 20-20 and when we look back on past relationships (in whatever capacity it was in) we can see that our expectations of a particular relationship weren't in line with the reality of who we really are or more importantly it may not have been in line with reality as to who that person really was."

Yeah, I said that. I know shocking! Well at least it's documented here so that hopefully I can keep this in mind if I ever start to doubt myself again.

8 Things...

8 Things

1. Ambition

2. Whining

3. Gossip/Tabloid Mags

4. Multiple Questions

5. Man Chores

6. Organization/Planning

7. Bossiness/Mothering

8. Girlie Shows

... Figure out what this is a list of yet? Well apparently it's a list of 8 things that guys say that they hate or can't stand, but secretly like.

~*THE WORST*~

I don't understand why the hell this song is so popular...... THE WORST!!!!!!!

Super Funny, But True...

Make It Stop...

Soooooooooooooooooooooooo tired of hearing about Chris Brown & Rihanna. I think all those people out there who are saying that she is setting a bad example for girls out there and that he should go to jail and what not are not thinking realistically.

She is a person just like everyone else first and foremost, not matter what standards the public holds her up to. None of that mess matters. In the real world people make decisions whether good or bad everyday! They have the right to make those decisions and to let things play out. If you are parenting your child correctly you should be telling them about their self worth and how important they are and that they should never abuse someone or allow someone to abuse them. We all know that you can talk til you are blue in the face, most people who are in a relationship where they have been hit before do try to work it out. It usually takes time or something MAJOR to happen for them to make the decision to leave. Soooooooooooo I ask all these smart people out here talking about the example that she is setting how do you expect this 21 year old female who lives, and loves, and hurts, and learns, just like the rest of us to be any different than the average person on the street, and how do you fault her for that? If your child needs a celebrity to look up to as their MAIN role model in their life then you need to be asking YOURSELF some serious questions.

The one thing that I find to be really interesting in the whole thing though is how quickly people are to write him off. That man is young, very young. With counseling, and education and soem real work on his part you don't know what he is capable of accomplishing. From what I understand he also has witnessed this stuff in his background and from a counseling perspective most people do go to the extremes once they've been a part of or witnessed trauma. You either run clear away from it or dive right into it. Until you deal with your issues, and put the past behind you it is difficult for anyone to not repeat it! So what makes this man any different?

I think a lot of people need not throw rocks in a glass house. We have all made bad decisions, and dumbass mistakes, we have all done something we said we never would. We all have at least one thing that if we could do it again we would try to do it differently. The difference is that we aren't famous and don't have our faces plastered everywhere and have a bunch of idiots holding us to an unrealistic standard, when we do our shit. So lay off!!!

Guiltless...

Yeah I said it. I'm not going to feel guilty. I'm not taking responsibility at all. Why? Because I've realized that if nothing else I've been HONEST!!!

A friendship is not a thing that is made to be one sided. If you can't talk to someone unless they talk to you first or they contact you, there is a problem. If you are treated differently for your actions that if another friend( and especially another friend of the opposite sex of yourself) would have gotten no flack for then there is a problem.

The question is who has the problem? Well it's not me. I answer my phone, I text, I e mail, I do me! It does not matter who is in the room or isn't in the room. Why? Because I'm not lying to myself or anyone else.

Real Talk!

Investing In Me

So I just got my third tattoo. My Mom asked me why did I get this tattoo. I got it because I'm very serious about developing a life of expectancy. I'm serious about being patient and waiting on God to do good in my life and to lead me where it is that he wants me to go.

I've decided that if I am serious about change in my life and about living a more positive life, that I have to make serious choices. I can't say that I want to be more positive that I want my goals to be realized, that I want to be happy in love, life, family, and friendship but not make the initial steps to get there. God and no one else can change me if I haven't made the decision to seek and to be open for that change.

I also realize however that this is not going to be something that happens over night. You don't just wake up one morning and find yourself forever changed it is a process. I've just realized that there are many things in my life that I allow to stress me out, that I allow to continue and I do have control over whether or not I continue to do that. What I am proposing is not to say that I am going to walk around in denial that unpleasant things occur or that sometimes I am in difficult situations that do appear as though they will not end well. What I am saying is that instead of starting out with situations that are unhealthy and unproductive in the first place, and then hoping for those situations to magically become better, I am going to systematically expel those situations from my life. When bad things do occur instead of thinking it is the end of the world or letting my entire way of thinking become negative, I am going to look at the isolated issue as negative and do what I can to help the situation and let the rest go. I will focus on what is good in my life right now today and continue to work towards those goals that I want to accomplish. I know that bad things most likely will occur just because I have made the decision to be positive and to focus on the good in my life. I however am ready to believe in myself and the power that thinking positively will bring positivity. Even on the days that I have to fake it, I will do so because I don't want to fall backwards. I'm moving forward and I am excited about it.