My Latest Love

If I haven't made it clear before and I think I have... I love music! Sometimes I come across something and I just want to jump up and down smiling from ear to ear thanking God that my ears have been blessed with its sound. Such a thing happened recently when I heard ZZ Ward!!!! O-M-G!!!! This woman is fucking awesome!

Here are my favorites:

"Put the Gun Down"

"Home"

My absolute favorite "Lil Darlin"

Selfish

If I didn't know it before, and I did, people are selfish...

The last several months I have had some clear and present examples of how people will continue to take from you until you can give no more. How people can be so concerned about their experience that they really never even considered how you may feel about something. It's the strangest thing to me. I'm just not built that way. I'm a very giving person and I genuinely care about how those that I care about feel around me and about me. I am also a very curious person by nature. Sometimes I will just continue to offer to help or do and just see if someone will continue to leech. It's amazing how many people will.

I have also learned that while everyone knows that misery loves company... it is also true that some people will never be able to be happy for you in anything that you do. Why is that? Well it's for varied reasons but it comes down to selfishness: Well if she doesn't do this particular task anymore that means I would have to do it or If she moves on to something better then who will be here for me. Also comes down to insecurities and sometimes just plain old lack of insight. For some whether you are the type of person who wants attention or the occasional ray of light shining on you they just don't know how to let someone else shine.

Finding these qualities in people I interact with on a regular basis is no surprise really. I will admit though that it does come as a surprise to me when I run into it in the counseling field... I have definitely learned, however, that most people don't do what I do for the same reasons I do. I have also learned that at 29 the same is true as it was when I was 23. The older some people get the less ambitious and positive they are. Seeing someone my age be where I am, having accomplished what I have, despite my circumstances, and the realization of how much life (God willing) I have in front of me - just does not sit well with everyone.

All I can do is thank God everyday for those people who do support me, who want me to succeed no matter what they have or haven't accomplished. I especially thank him for my biggest and most consistent supporter... myself! I am thankful that he gave me enough courage and hope to continue to drive forward in my pursuit to do better and be a better person but also enough confidence that I don't have to dull someone else's shine, or steal their light, or not be happy for them because of my baggage!

Strawberry Swing

I love Coldplay but there is something about any song Frank Ocean sings... He is an extremely talented individual.

When The Music Speaks To Me...

I don't ever think I could truly express my love for music especially when I find that one song that I can't get out of my head or that I can't stop relating to or that speaks to me in some other way; often shedding a different light or perspective on something relevant to me currently. Here are a few songs that I am absolutely  in love with currently and for various reasons. But you don't need to know everything in my head to be able to probably put together the meaning...

1) Frank Ocean ft. Andre 3000 Pink Matter

"Pink Matter"
(feat. André 3000)

And the peaches and the mangos

That you could sell for me...

What do you think my brain is made for

Is it just a container for the mind

This great grey matter

Sensei replied, what is your woman

Is she just a container for the child

That soft pink matter

Cotton candy Majin Buu

Close my eyes and fall into you

My god she's giving me pleasure

What if the sky and the stars are for show

And the aliens are watching live

From the purple matter

Sensei went quiet then violent

And we sparred until we both grew tired

Nothing mattered

Cotton candy Majin Buu

Dim the lights and fall into you, you, you

My god, giving me pleasure

Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure

Pleasure over matter

[André 3000]

Since you been gone

I been having withdrawals

You were such a habit to call

I ain't myself at all had to tell myself naw

She's better with some fella with a regular job

I didn't wanna get her involved

By dinner Mr. Benjamin was sittin' in awe

Hopped into my car drove far

Far's too close and I remember

My memories no sharp

Butter knife what a life anyway

I'm building y'all a clock stop

What am I, Hemingway?

She had the kind of body

That would probably intimidate

Any of 'em that were un-southern

Not me cousin

If models are made for modeling

Thick girls are made for cuddlin'

Switch worlds and we can huddle then

Who needs another friend

I need to hold your hand

You'd need no other man

We'd flee to other lands

Grey matter

Blue used to be my favorite color

Now I ain't got no choice

Blue matter

You're good at being bad

You're bad at being good

For heaven's sakes go to hell

Knock knock knock knock on wood

You're good at being bad

You're bad at being good

For heaven's sakes go to hell

Knock on wood

For heaven's sakes go to hell

Knock knock knock on wood

Well frankly when that ocean so mahfuckin' good

Make her swab the mahfuckin' wood

Make her walk the mahfuckin' plank

Make her rob a mahfuckin' bank

With no mask on and a rusty revolver

2. The Script No Words

"No Words"

Whooo ooo

I could talk all day long about the news,

Giving you the current affairs and my views

I could talk all night long about a song,

Giving you the pointers on where you're going wrong.

I could talk all year long about the net

And sending you the links I think you haven't seen yet.

I'd like to tell you things that I think you never heard, but there are no words

I could talk all day long about dreams,

Sewing up your heart so you never see a seam.

I could talk all day about politics,

All of the corruption, clean hands, dirty tricks

But what can I say

About something that blows me away

Without it soundin' like another cliché?

From what I've seen and I've heard,

When it comes to you, baby, no, there are no, there are no words.

There are no words,

Yeah, I swear this much is true,

There ain't a word in this world that describes you

I could talk all day long about life,

After so many wars, how we're all still alive.

I could speak all night long about the world,

How it took me thirty years just to find one girl.

I could shoot shit for days all about guitars,

A Gibson or a Fender, it depends on who you are.

But when I try to say something that you never heard,

There are no words

I could burn your ear off all about space,

Why we have a moon, the moon has a face.

If the earth is spinning, why we all stay in place?

Why we can't walk it's gotta be a space race.

But what can I say,

That's gonna' blow her mind away,

Tryna write a classic not a throw away.

All I've seen, all I've heard,

When it comes to you, there are no, there are no, there are no words, no words.

There are no words.

Yeah, I swear this much is true

There ain't a word in this world that describe you, that describe you.

Yeah, I swear this much is true

There ain't a word in this world that describes you.

No words.

There are no words to describe or define

What’s inside you, your feeling, your vibe

Believe me I’ve tried to break you down to a science

I see you in my mind and I open my mouth and it’s silence

I can articulate a Shakespeare poem

Even though I didn’t know him

I can see where he was going

And where he’s coming from

I can even catch his flow

And then I think of you

I don’t know where this metaphor is going

'Cause there are no words you can understand, only lovers can

You can ask the professor and the madman

If they couldn’t find the words, no one can

All I’ve seen, all I heard

When it comes to you there’s just no, just no words

(Just no words, no words)

Yeah, I swear this much is true,

There are no word in this world that describes you, that describes you.

Yeah, I swear this much is true,

There are no word in this world that describes you.

There are no...

There are no...

3. The Weeknd High For This (Ellie Goulding Cover) 

"High For This"

You don't know what's in store

But you know what you're here for

Close your eyes

Lay yourself beside me

Hold tight for this ride

We don't need no protection

Come alone

We don't need attention

Open your hand

Take a glass

Don't be scared

I'm right here

Even though you don't roll

Trust me girl

You wanna be high for this

Take it off

You want it off

'Cause I know what you're feeling

It's okay girl I feel it too

Let it beat baby breathe

I swear I'm right here

We'll be good; I promise

We'll be so good

Open your hand

Take a glass

Don't be scared

I'm right here

Even though you don't roll

Trust me girl

You wanna be high for this

You wanna be high for this

You wanna be high for this

You wanna be high for this

You wanna be high for this