Expression of Feeling Through Thought and/or Action

For those who have read my blog on my top ten list of books that I want to read but just can't find the time to, one of the books on their is The Five Love Languages. Well today I was in the mall with my lovely residents. They were looking around and enjoying their recreational outing. I was just killing time until it was time to meet back with them out front. Well I wandered into Barnes & Noble and was just looking around to see if anything sparked my fancy. Of course, I stopped in Old Navy first, before I wandered in but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, I saw The Five Love Languages for Singles. So I picked it up and started to read through it. Well in an hour this is what I got from it.

Apparently there are five love languages and whether you know it or not we all communicate for the most part in one more so than the others. The five languages are physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gift giving, and ummm something about services. (So, I guess you can tell which one isn't my style, lol!) Now the thing that the book expressed, and when you see what the languages are it can be inferred, is that these do not just apply to romantic love. These apply to how you express and/or give love to anyone. I think because I am a mental health professional, and I'm working on becoming an LPC that I can kind of navigate through these at times to suit the needs of whoever I'm working with. All in all though I like everyone else fit into one of these categories more so than the others when it comes to how I prefer to give, and receive love.

Physical touch is pretty simple it means that you give/receive love by touch whether it's through kissing, or just touching someones shoulder or patting them on the back. Words of affirmation means that you give/receive love by telling others or when others tell you that they love you, appreciate you, and other words that affirm that love. Quality time means as it says that you give or receive love through spending quality time with those you love. Whether it's a romantic trip with your significant other or just one on one time with your best friend. Gift giving means that you give/receive love by giving or getting gifts. Now it states that gift giving does not mean that you are giving or getting a gift for something that you did right or wrong. It is someone giving a gift for special occasions or just because but not in payment of or to make up for something. The last one rendering service, does not mean that you are slaving for someone but that you give/receive love by doing chores so someone else does not have to do it, or volunteering to do a task that you know will be helpful to others things like that.

So, while I was reading I was trying to figure out what my language was. It also stated in the book that although someone may have grown up in a house where lets say they were taught to give love in a certain way, that does not mean that they receive love in that same way. I think that most days I receive love by spending quality time and physical touch rated very high near quality time. (Oh yeah, there is a questionnaire in the back of the book so that if you are not sure what your language is you can find it out). Well anyway, when I think back on my life it seems very accurate. Words of affirmation was right behind physical touch and gift giving/services was barely ranking at all. I definitely can see where I have related in all of my relationships whether it was with friends family who ever that I felt more loved when people are willing to give me their time. I put a high value on a persons time. When I think back to the one time that I was "in love" in my life and the times when I was most happy with someone it was because I felt good due to the fact that-that person was giving me their time. Sure I like to be told that I look pretty and I like to be kissed and hugged and I appreciate a helping hand or a gift whenever I get it, but all in all you can't top spending that qt in my eyes.

Which leads me to recent events. Soooooo there is this guy. He's very nice to me, he's attractive, he's smart, he has a good job, a great head on his shoulders, and most of all he thinks I'm AWESOME!!!! You can't beat that right? Wrong!!!! I think we are communicating in two different languages. I think both of us probably rank high with the physical touch. We like to hug each other and touch each other while were talking, you know he might touch my hair, I'll probably put my hand on his arm or rest my head on his chest things like that. Overall though, I rank that quality time the highest. I feel like he ranks the words of affirmation the highest. He wants me to tell him how I feel, that I miss him, that I like him, how my day went, what's going on with me, etc., etc., etc. Which is fine with me, as I said it did rank pretty close to the other two when I took the questionnaire. Overall though, whenever he cancels on me or changes plans when he's too tired to see me or doesn't seem like he is bothered either way, all of those things in my head equate to non-interest. Even though he's saying he misses me and he cares about me and all of that good stuff we are not communicating the same way. And vice-versa. I'm good at saying what I mean and meaning what I say, to a certain extent. But I have quite a few short comings at times when it comes to telling a guy I miss him or I like him or whatever. I don't know why, probably just the whole issue of trust or something. Anyway, so I'm guessing it may be a good idea for the both of us, if we would like to continue to see how things play out to start expressing ourselves in a way that each of us is going to hear as "Oh, this person cares about me." Otherwise, I'm guessing that things will be headed in a: we're only friends/we aren't anything to each other, direction.