Thankful

It's been a rough couple of months financially & in other ways. I think the true test of growth and of true change is how you respond to the same stress and situations that before would have been too overwhelming for you. I am so thankful for putting my trust in God & for real faith in his ability to do any and every thing. It took a lot of time and work to get where I am now and I have really seen over the last couple of months how far I've come. In the past I would've been so worried that worry would have been my agenda for most days. Don't get me wrong there have been several times where I was just like ummm I really don't think this situation is going to work out well, but then I allowed myself to worry about it for a little while then I prayed about it, and then I did my best to truly give it to God. I have found the more I give the better the outcome/circumstances end up turning.

It's so easy to say yeah I have faith, yeah I'm giving this to God, yeah I'm following his plan for me, but then to turn around and do the opposite and then not understand how things got where they are. Or to say I am going to follow God's plan for my life... but I'm going to do this that and the third and not realize why things are not going right. LOL! We are so fallible and susceptible to our own feelings of power and control over our lives that it gets so easy sometimes to lose sight of what direction we need to go in and to realize that our trials, our success, our problems, our lives are really all God's and the less we rebel and fight against that the better our lives will be over all. I think we also lose sight of how our trials and tribulations aren't always just for the purpose of grounding us in/testing our faith or making us stronger but sometimes so that we can bless others in our lives. I try everyday to judge others less, judge myself a little less, and to find a way to reach out or help someone else. The best feeling sometimes is to help someone who you don't "have" to help or who doesn't expect you to care enough to help. Obviously, if you don't believe in God then this entire post doesn't really apply to you, but if you do, then you can't deny that-that feeling is definitely a reward that God gives you. When I stopped worrying so much about where everyone else was, what they were doing, in comparison to my life, I found myself.

I'm aware that I have so much further to go, but when I feel this feeling that I have in my heart on a regular basis a feeling of balance and contentment of love from God... the thought that there is more to come that this is just the beginning is such an exciting thought! I am not huge on other people's interpretation of God, The Bible, and religion, because for me I need to understand my God that I am praising and worshiping and that is far more important than being in line or doing what certain folks chose to interpret as right/wrong and otherwise. I'd much rather spend my time trying to move closer and to understand more for myself! :)

I am so thankful, I am tired as well (been working like a sweatshop worker lately) lol. I just can't express though how thankful I am: to be involved in a profession that I love to have a future in that profession to get a chance to help others on a daily basis to be an inspiration to others to continue to set goals to accomplish to give and receive love for strength of character a life full of purpose the ability to sacrifice clarity of mind, a vision, for the opportunity to develop my values and conquer my fears on a daily basis for LIFE!!!

Don't Tell Me You Love Me

I was listening to this song and it made me think back to a conversation I was having about loyalty one day. Not within a relationship necessary, but among friends. I remember hearing once that one of the reasons why women have so much difficulty after a bad breakup or a breakup in general is because once women get into a romantic relationship they often times all but disconnect, drop, or don't put time into most of their female friends/support system. Then they have to build those relationships back up. In the conversation I was having it was stated that even though obviously you have to dedicate time to your relationship and your other responsibilities, that most times men do a better job of making sure their boys are still their boys. So where is this all going?

Well, when I was listening to this song there is the part where he is talking about don't listen to your hating friends and what not. Let's be real though, let's say your girls have had your back for years, maybe even since childhood & you may have known this man for two or three years for example. Thinking logically about it... if she didn't advise you to do you, be careful, get out of the situation, and etc. when you are being done wrong... is she really your friend??? Also, on that same logic train.... if you are in a relationship that is lacking fidelity, trust, respect, and so on, wouldn't the friend have to be an utter FOOL to "hate on" or "envy" that mess??? Now maybe if your friends are some chicks with low self esteem or if they aren't really "down" for you in the first place I could see that, but I'm willing to bet more often than not it has ish to do with "hating" or "misery loving company" or any of those other stereotypical reasons men give their women when their womans' friends are trying to look out for her.

I hope I never find myself in that kind of position, but that if I do I have the courage to remember the sustained love that has been given to me through out my life by those who have always been there for me and to believe that no matter my decision they will have my back but that if they don't say what I would like to hear or if what they say is counter to what I would like to do, that it is because they love me and want the best for me and not for any other nonsensical reason.