Friday, December 30, 2011

Call Me Crazy, But...

"When you know better, you do better, & if you are not learning how to be better daily then move your feet."

Various people I have come into contact with (many older or on much different paths than I) are always curious about why I am not married or why I don't have any kids often the assumption made is that I have chosen my education & career over love & family... I refer them to my quote above.

The fact of the matter is that I don't believe that it has to be a "choice." Don't get me wrong if I were a different person with a different level of focus then I could have had several kids by now, believe me! I could have potentially been married as well. Maybe not to the right person but it could have been arranged.

However, my thoughts on the subject are that right now that is not what God has for me. I am focused on education and career because I believe I was called to do what I am doing and to help others. It does not mean that I have done that at the exclusion of romantic love, however.

As stated above I don't believe it is a choice, I don't see why I can not have a great job, a husband, & children if that is what is in the cards for me. People do it everyday. Some people meet the person they want to do that with earlier in life and others far later and others still some where in between. I think it's a far better use of my time to one focus on the things that I directly can make decisions about, change, alter, etc. and continue to grow as a person. If someone cool and like minded comes along then I would gladly welcome that adventure but if not at least I have a course and purpose that I only have to rely on God to fulfill.

I recognize it's not that "cut and dry" for others but I just lack the concern to see settling down and having kids as something that I have to do right this moment or before a certain age. The older I get the happier I am that I do not have kids now or that I am not in a relationship with previous people I have dated, still. We all can't make every mistake in life and I am taking my time to learn from my own and from others while I can in hopes that when I find that special someone they will in fact be everything that I deserve and I will be everything that they deserve, and also so that if I do become a Mom I can be the best possible Mom that I can be and give my child(ren) the best opportunities that I can possibly provide. I feel most of us get to caught up in our own plans for our lives and while we may be believers God is the farthest thing from our minds, or we believe we have some sort of control to make our desires or wants His plan instead of recognizing them as our own, or even still we make ourselves feel better by concocting a belief that God wanted us to go in the hardest, rockiest, roughest direction to teach us. I am not the most educated on the topic but if we have free will then I would guess that God is just prepared for whatever way we may use that free will but that does not mean the outcome or the trials we have to go through because of it are what he really wants for us, but just the consequence of our ability to choose.

So to anyone else that it just hasn't happened for, or are having to start again, although I recognize it is easier said than done, just relax. What is for you, is for you. I am much more excited to write the unique story that is my life than to write one that has been done or is expected of me.

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