Speak On It...

What I've learned from recess...


There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary-we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit. - Romans 5:3

I've been taking recess officially for approximately three months. I said at first that the hardest part about taking a break is just that there aren't any ground rules or instructions so how do I know when the break is over, and how do I know when I've accomplished my goals within the break? Well the break is not over but I think I have direction now. I've been using this line lately that I heard from Joel Osteen saying that I'm developing a life of expectancy. I think this break is really helping me develop that life. I've realized a lot lately. I've realized that I am a much happier person when I don't have to bear a grudge or be angry with someone. I've realized that I may not be content with a situation but when I look at the doors that have been opened for me and the doors that are opening for me I have no reason to be sad or fearful or negative about my future.

I think that a lot of people have different ideas of love and sex and relationships. I think through taking this break I've been able to see that there are a lot of people out there who think they are too cool to admit that they want a longterm relationship someone to be their best friend who they can rely on and trust and who can expect the same from them. Someone who when they walk in the room it makes your heart skip a beat and everyone else seem insignificant. I think a lot of people are scared to admit that they want that, but also to find it. So many people are walking around thinking that they have so much control over their lives and that being vulnerable and open are weak things. I've learned that it is quite the opposite. Firstly, we have relatively little control over our lives, we may have free will, but the flaw in having it is that so does everyone else. It does take a strong person to realize and seek what you want in life whether that be career, education, freedom, relationships, or what not. It takes a strong person because you have to make yourself vulnerable for failure and disappointment not just the idea of success, fulfillment, or happiness.

I've also realized that most young people are mistakingly running around looking for physical pleasure in life and closing themselves off from the idea of complete fulfillment out of a lack of wisdom, or better judgement. It may be fulfilling for some to jump from one person to another to have many sexual partners and to never make a commitment to anyone but themselves but how long can a person go on like that. You keep yourself from developing relationships that can be meaningful and lasting in your life, and lets face it all of us can always use another real friend and confidant. You also make yourself so susceptible to so many complications that sex causes, including unwanted/accidental pregnancies, stds that are curable, those that are permanent, and those that don't even take not having safe sex or penetration to spread from one person to another.

Those who are open to relationships are going about them the wrong way most times. Instead of grounding a relationship in friendship, trust, and mutual respect for one another we ground relationships in sex, physical attraction, and outward personality or out of fear of change or being alone. These things make a lousy foundation and eventually comeback to bite most of us square in the ass. Life is short, and yes, I believe that we all need to take our own path and make decisions and go our own ways, but I also believe that life can be very long when you are unhappy, hurting, or in a state of longing. The sooner we are able to learn how to step back from a situation and look at it I think the better off we are all in life, in general. So many of us talk to others for advice, and worry, and wax and wain about situations and then we go with what we want to do anyway. I've learned that the hardest decision to make the hardest thing to do is usually the right thing. Life isn't easy and no one ever promised us that it would be.

I've also learned that so many of us are so afraid to be alone that we hold on to the idea or the hope of a relationship that is no where near what we deserve or need. Yes, this part is much harder to put into action than it is to say it. I'll be the first to admit it. In all honesty though if you're constantly waiting, whether it be for a phone call, a planned date, for someone to do right, for someone to get there stuff together, for someone to figure out what they want, etc., etc., etc. Then aren't you really alone anyway? I've learned that it is nice to have my friends and family to talk to and rely on because I know them and they know me and we understand each other for whatever shortcomings we all have. At the end of the day they love me and I love them and I have proof of that. It's counterproductive to living a happy life to spend your time waiting for anyone. Not in the since of your significant other is in the army or something and you currently are facing a long distance relationship, that's different. But if someone isn't what you need them to be or what you want them to be within a relationship, LET THEM GO!!! We take years off of our lives worrying and struggling with what someone else's free will allows them to do. In the end some people talk a big or huge game even and when the words come out of their mouthes they may really mean it, but then someway somehow they never follow through. Take the rose colored glasses off and recognize the patterns. Don't be mad, don't hold a grudge, don't be upset at that person. If someone can't be what you need them to be for you it isn't anyone's fault. It's only your fault if you see the signs and the patterns and you keep waiting, and allowing that person to put you in depressed moods, to make you angry, to take advantage of you, walk all over you, break your heart, steal your spirit, and you keep letting them. The only person you can change, or fix is yourself and sometimes you need a lot of help and support just to do that. We all know how hard it is to change bad habits and things that we do that we don't like, so why the hell do we have the impression that it will be sooo much easier for someone else to change "for us" or to change themselves. It's not rocket science but I think we all lose perspective every now and then. This break has helped me to get my perspective back and to focus on what is important and let go of the rest.

I'd rather walk alone and build the virtue that the above passage mentions, and don't mistake that for pride, than to compromise my self worth for the sake of being with someone. I'd rather walk alone and be patient that the right person will come along, than rush into several situations that can lead me to hurting myself more or hurting others. I'd rather walk alone and be passionate about life and my goals, than be restrained, weakened, and limited by the people I choose to keep close to me. I'd rather walk alone and with purpose, than to let my pride discourage me from admitting, seeking, and expecting what I need, deserve, and want out of life. Of course I didn't learn all of this over the course of this short break, but I do believe that by removing all of those other distractions and garbage from my life has made me open and available to really receive it and to walk the path of expectancy that I've claimed to have been walking all along.