Just Friends???

There was a message board on MSN.com talking about can men and women be friends. I think we've talked this topic in to the ground to be honest. The fact of the matter is that it all depends. It depends on the situation and the circumstances surrounding the "friendship". Anyway here's what my two cents was...

Men and women can be friends exclusively. I think that most people when answering this question have to take into consideration that men and women, more often than not, think differently. Most women can see a guy as just a platonic friend, they kind of cross over into the he's like a brother to me zone. I can't speak for a man because I am not a man. But I do believe that men can be strictly friends with females as well. From what I gathered the hardest thing for a man is not thinking with his little head and instead thinking with his brain. (But that is not exclusive to this scenario. ) So for men it may be more difficult but if the woman is set in that he is just a friend in most cases his want to have sex with her will eventually become less and less or completely disappear over time. Unless he is in love with her of course in which case if they can not be "together" then they probably can not be friends.

The hardest obstacle for either sex is attraction. If you are not attracted to the person, which doesn't mean you think they are ugly or that you don't like their personality, but that their specific looks and personality is not what you are looking for in a significant other, or you are not interested in anything but a friendship with them, then it is easy to be friends.

A lot of the issue that comes up in this argument though, is the issue of ulterior motives. A man or woman being friends with someone because they are hoping that a relationship will arise, or a man or woman being friends with someone solely because they hope to have sex with them at some point, are of course going to be exceptions to men and women being friends. Someone who only focuses on a man or a woman as a potential sex buddy though isn't the kind of friend that most people I know would want to have anyway.

Those of us who are adults and mature however can see the logic and the benefit of having friends of the same sex and of the opposite sex. You get a different perspective, support, and rationale when dealing with a problem or subject. If you're a girl like me that only grew up with a brother, you may be more inclined to think of guys on a friend level than someone who had a different experience. If you have a brother as your only friend for those key developmental years it is going to be much easier to get along with guys in the first place. There doesn't have to be anything sexual between you two, because you have already learned how to if even on the basic level communicate and relate to a man in a non-sexual way. So you may be apt to have more male friends than female friends.


Of course the idea of ex's being friends is a slippery slope. It really does depend on what kind of relationship you had, how you broke up, why you broke up, and whether or not BOTH parties are content with just being friends. Otherwise it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that it wouldn't work.