Frustration

Those who do know me, know that I am a hard worker. More often than not I am very modest about it. I don't let on how hard it is sometimes. I think that everyone should do their best and if you really want to accomplish something and you work hard enough that you will accomplish it. I believe the things that I strive to do are things that I have to do, I don't know how else to get what I want but to work for it. It makes me feel really good that people admire that I can work for a residential and mental health supportive services company as a counselor for 40 hours or more a week and embark on going to grad. school as well, but it isn't a big deal for me because in my mind I don't think that they realize that I don't see it as a choice. I guess if someone has a choice and they take the harder path that people find that to be admirable but if you view what you're doing as what you have to do and not as what you are choosing to do then I guess that's why I don't view it as such a huge deal.

In the last few weeks I'm really starting to realize how much I have accomplished and that I really am a hard worker. I helped organize a going away shindig for one of my teachers this past week and she thanked me and said how much of a joy I was to have in her class and that she felt I brought so much to the class. It made me feel so accomplished. I felt great that she thought so highly of me and liked what I brought to class. I had to pull two all nighters to get all my work done for a couple classes and still managed to be able to get my stuff done at work and I wasn't even sure that I was going to be able to do it, I definitely was feeling worn down and like I was going to collapse. This little break I have before summer school starts will be greatly appreciated, but anyway I'm just becoming more aware of what kind of person I am, and I like what I'm seeing. I feel great and I feel like even though things have been really hard and not very pleasant at times that I am making it anyway.

So, this leads to the title of my blog. I'm really frustrated with the actions of some people in my life. I feel like I've been working so hard and I've been trying to save money I went and applied for an apartment this weekend and I'm being responsible and motivating myself and doing what I feel needs to be done. Where as a certain person in particular is dead set on what I can only call "living his or her life". I don't know how to make it anymore clear or plain to this person that in August everyone in this house is moving, and if you don't get your shit together you'll be living on the street! I'm working hard to do what I can do to not only help myself but help this person but one thing that I have learned very well from past experiences in my life is that if someone isn't ready to help themselves then there is nothing that I can do to help them. It's like talking to a brick wall some days. I just feel like I've been telling this person since February that I am planning on moving in August and if they want to be my roommate then by May 1st they needed to have another job that is year around and more stable than the one that they have now. It pisses me off that this person didn't even start applying for jobs until the end of April for the most part. It pisses me off that this person thinks that applying for one or maybe three jobs online is making an effort, and "trying". NO IT'S NOT!!! Everyone who has had to look for a job knows that first off it usually takes like three months to find one, secondly every job you apply for there are going to be a lot of other people applying for it so the more you apply the better your chances are of being called back, thirdly everyone gets out of school in May and June, that means that kids that are away at school come home and they swoop up summer jobs. If you find the job ahead of time even if it's only going to last through the end of August at least at this point you can be saving money and looking for something better. I'm just really, really, angry right now and I hate being angry at this person because I do love and care about them. But I hate that this person seems to not understand how serious this situation is and how much of an attitude they get when someone questions how much effort they are putting into looking for a job. I'm sorry but if someone told me that if I didn't find a job by a certain date that I was going to be homeless I would do everything that I could from that second forward to look for a job I'm not going to wait until I only have a month left, I'm not going to wait until the last minute, I'm not going to go hang out with my friends, on a weekday when I don't have anything else to do and could be looking for employment. I'm just tired of this irresponsible mindset and I'm not going to apologize for being coarse or down right mean anymore. I'm doing what I need to do, now this person needs to get off of their ass and make an effort to do what they need to do. I'm tired of having to juggle bills and have to put off paying things because even though this person is supposed to be taking care of it, they don't or can't because they don't have a job that gives them enough hours to pay for it. I'm tired of having to feed this person and drive this person around and use my gas up and for them to not be able to pitch in. If this person was a child or even a teenager I would say ok, but this person is a grown ass adult and needs to start acting like it before they get a really rough and unpleasant reality check.