Amen.
Friday, December 30, 2011
My 2012 Prayer...
Life: It's not about all the things you do or don't do or the books you've read the accomplishments you've made. It's about your character, and what kind of person you choose to be in a world of "me, me, me" & "every man for himself". It's who you are when no one is looking, how you treat those who have done you wrong or mean nothing to you. It's recognizing who you really are, not who you want to be, and working hard to get closer to the ideal. It's a big ball of choices, confusion, happiness, & pain & every moment of it is a blessing! I don't make resolutions but I pray that I continue to LIVE in 2012, that God continues to use me, & that I grow twice as much as I did this year!
Call Me Crazy, But...
"When you know better, you do better, & if you are not learning how to be better daily then move your feet."
Various people I have come into contact with (many older or on much different paths than I) are always curious about why I am not married or why I don't have any kids often the assumption made is that I have chosen my education & career over love & family... I refer them to my quote above.
The fact of the matter is that I don't believe that it has to be a "choice." Don't get me wrong if I were a different person with a different level of focus then I could have had several kids by now, believe me! I could have potentially been married as well. Maybe not to the right person but it could have been arranged.
However, my thoughts on the subject are that right now that is not what God has for me. I am focused on education and career because I believe I was called to do what I am doing and to help others. It does not mean that I have done that at the exclusion of romantic love, however.
As stated above I don't believe it is a choice, I don't see why I can not have a great job, a husband, & children if that is what is in the cards for me. People do it everyday. Some people meet the person they want to do that with earlier in life and others far later and others still some where in between. I think it's a far better use of my time to one focus on the things that I directly can make decisions about, change, alter, etc. and continue to grow as a person. If someone cool and like minded comes along then I would gladly welcome that adventure but if not at least I have a course and purpose that I only have to rely on God to fulfill.
I recognize it's not that "cut and dry" for others but I just lack the concern to see settling down and having kids as something that I have to do right this moment or before a certain age. The older I get the happier I am that I do not have kids now or that I am not in a relationship with previous people I have dated, still. We all can't make every mistake in life and I am taking my time to learn from my own and from others while I can in hopes that when I find that special someone they will in fact be everything that I deserve and I will be everything that they deserve, and also so that if I do become a Mom I can be the best possible Mom that I can be and give my child(ren) the best opportunities that I can possibly provide. I feel most of us get to caught up in our own plans for our lives and while we may be believers God is the farthest thing from our minds, or we believe we have some sort of control to make our desires or wants His plan instead of recognizing them as our own, or even still we make ourselves feel better by concocting a belief that God wanted us to go in the hardest, rockiest, roughest direction to teach us. I am not the most educated on the topic but if we have free will then I would guess that God is just prepared for whatever way we may use that free will but that does not mean the outcome or the trials we have to go through because of it are what he really wants for us, but just the consequence of our ability to choose.
So to anyone else that it just hasn't happened for, or are having to start again, although I recognize it is easier said than done, just relax. What is for you, is for you. I am much more excited to write the unique story that is my life than to write one that has been done or is expected of me.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
The Helpers Bill Of Rights:
Being a "Helper" requires a constant check & balance system; of your need to do for others versus your need to take care of yourself.
It is constant because often times those in need, in crisis, in desperation, or a pattern, often have no concept of anything except their need at the time.
As a Helper it is imperative that you always remember the above in all efforts.
As a Helper it is also necessary to check if you are helping someone in need of your help, willing and able to accept your help, and meet that person(s) where they are.
In order for the Helper to remain able they must:
Take care of themselves first.
Learn when their desire to help has surpassed the helpees desire to change.
And learn to say no.
What may be the most important for a Helper is to remember to do what they can when they can and that as long as their intentions were to help the outcome does not directly relate to the job done and ultimately who they are as a helper.
Beware of leeches (no matter the accidental or purposeful kind) who view Helpers as a resource as sustenance instead of that which they are... help.
Do not expect thank you's or true understanding of sacrifices you have made, the only purpose for helping has to be just that, the ability to help.
For the Helper that is highly adaptable, be sure that in helping others:
You don't forget who you are, outside of what you do.
What you value.
Your own dreams, goals, direction.
It can not be said enough that being a Helper is truly about balance.
Help who you can when you can.
The outcomes do not define you.
Be careful who you go above and beyond for.
Lastly, remember that it is not selfish to take care of yourself, sometimes the most important person you can help is you.
**When I say taking care of yourself, that means personally obviously but also could/does include those you are directly linked with and/or responsible for.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
20 Movies I Never Need To See Again
Some of these movies were absolutely EXCELLENT, while others... not so much. With out further adieu and in no particular order, here they are:
1. Buried -
This movie was actually really good, it kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. If you have seen it however, and just in case some have not I will not go into the actual movie, then you understand why you don't EVER need to watch it again.
2. Splice -
Okay, honestly... this was some freaky ish, in many ways. Just one of those movies where the entire time you are sitting there you are thinking to yourself... Seriously? Who thought this was a good idea? Then it just gets weird!
3. The Fly -
This movie was just gross.
4. Twelve Monkeys -
Here's the thing, I have a problem with several plot devices used in some movies; one of my biggest pet peeves is when a movie ends where it started and I am left with the impression that I just wasted 2 hours of my life.
5. Lost In Translation -
I understand that this was a big movie for Johansson and the critics loved it and Sofia Coppola is just AMAZING and blah, blah, blah, the movie was boring and I could care less about these poor sad peoples empty lives.
6. Marie Antoinette -
Okay remember how I said some of these movies were really great and some of them were just not. This movie was just not! I was attempting to see what the hub-bub was about Sofia Coppola since we have already established how I felt about #5 on the list. I think it doesn't matter if you are an excellent director if you write crap. But anyway this is not a list of the worst movies ever, just the ones I never need to see again. Needless to say, Ms. Coppola did not redeem herself.
7. Radio Flyer -
This movie was absolutely gut wrenchingly wonderful but if you've seen it then again you understand why it's a movie that you really only need to see once, even though I have seen it many times. It never fails to hit me a little harder the older I get.
8. Seven Pounds -
It may be insensitive, maybe because I haven't experienced something like that I don't know but common sense would tell me that he totally over reacted. I thought it was a great movie for the most part, I just found the ending so utterly unbelievable that I could never watch it again.
9. Lawrence of Arabia -
The main reason is because it's too damn long.
10. Rosewood -
This movie just makes my pressure go up! I just can't!
11. Beloved -
I don't think I need to explain this one if you have seen it.
12. Sleepers -
Really great movie, any movie with a story where people are victim to abuse of any sort is always one of those movies where it makes it hard for me to watch again.
13. Into the Wild -
This is such a sad movie and being someone who works in the mental health field just really pulls on my heart strings in such a way that I just can't watch it again.
14. Precious -
This kind of movie is in line with the last two movies. Some story lines are just really difficult to watch once let alone again.
15. Mermaids -
Another movie that I have watched many times, but it's really hard to watch sometimes.
16. An American Tail -
This is absolutely a selfish and completely personal choice, but hey aren't they all! LOL! This is difficult for me to watch based on past experiences when I was growing up. It always had such a deep meaning to me. It's hard for me to watch with out crying.
17. Saw -
I went with saw but this spot is really for any horror movie. If it's done right then you don't need to watch it again if it is done wrong then well obviously why would you ever watch it again?
18. Alpha Dog -
I just feel like half of the things that occurred could have been avoided.
19. All Good Things -
I enjoy Mr. Gosling as much as the next person. This was some weird stuff though. It was an interesting story but I definitely don't need to see it again.
20. Terms of Endearment -
I went with this one because it's a classic, but I reserve this spot for all of those movies like A Walk To Remember, The Last Song, & other such movies where a major character in the movie dies at the end. Sad stuff, that is definitely difficult to watch again.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Thankful
It's been a rough couple of months financially & in other ways. I think the true test of growth and of true change is how you respond to the same stress and situations that before would have been too overwhelming for you. I am so thankful for putting my trust in God & for real faith in his ability to do any and every thing. It took a lot of time and work to get where I am now and I have really seen over the last couple of months how far I've come. In the past I would've been so worried that worry would have been my agenda for most days. Don't get me wrong there have been several times where I was just like ummm I really don't think this situation is going to work out well, but then I allowed myself to worry about it for a little while then I prayed about it, and then I did my best to truly give it to God. I have found the more I give the better the outcome/circumstances end up turning.
It's so easy to say yeah I have faith, yeah I'm giving this to God, yeah I'm following his plan for me, but then to turn around and do the opposite and then not understand how things got where they are. Or to say I am going to follow God's plan for my life... but I'm going to do this that and the third and not realize why things are not going right. LOL! We are so fallible and susceptible to our own feelings of power and control over our lives that it gets so easy sometimes to lose sight of what direction we need to go in and to realize that our trials, our success, our problems, our lives are really all God's and the less we rebel and fight against that the better our lives will be over all. I think we also lose sight of how our trials and tribulations aren't always just for the purpose of grounding us in/testing our faith or making us stronger but sometimes so that we can bless others in our lives. I try everyday to judge others less, judge myself a little less, and to find a way to reach out or help someone else. The best feeling sometimes is to help someone who you don't "have" to help or who doesn't expect you to care enough to help. Obviously, if you don't believe in God then this entire post doesn't really apply to you, but if you do, then you can't deny that-that feeling is definitely a reward that God gives you. When I stopped worrying so much about where everyone else was, what they were doing, in comparison to my life, I found myself.
I'm aware that I have so much further to go, but when I feel this feeling that I have in my heart on a regular basis a feeling of balance and contentment of love from God... the thought that there is more to come that this is just the beginning is such an exciting thought! I am not huge on other people's interpretation of God, The Bible, and religion, because for me I need to understand my God that I am praising and worshiping and that is far more important than being in line or doing what certain folks chose to interpret as right/wrong and otherwise. I'd much rather spend my time trying to move closer and to understand more for myself! :)
I am so thankful, I am tired as well (been working like a sweatshop worker lately) lol. I just can't express though how thankful I am: to be involved in a profession that I love to have a future in that profession to get a chance to help others on a daily basis to be an inspiration to others to continue to set goals to accomplish to give and receive love for strength of character a life full of purpose the ability to sacrifice clarity of mind, a vision, for the opportunity to develop my values and conquer my fears on a daily basis for LIFE!!!
Don't Tell Me You Love Me
I was listening to this song and it made me think back to a conversation I was having about loyalty one day. Not within a relationship necessary, but among friends. I remember hearing once that one of the reasons why women have so much difficulty after a bad breakup or a breakup in general is because once women get into a romantic relationship they often times all but disconnect, drop, or don't put time into most of their female friends/support system. Then they have to build those relationships back up. In the conversation I was having it was stated that even though obviously you have to dedicate time to your relationship and your other responsibilities, that most times men do a better job of making sure their boys are still their boys. So where is this all going?
Well, when I was listening to this song there is the part where he is talking about don't listen to your hating friends and what not. Let's be real though, let's say your girls have had your back for years, maybe even since childhood & you may have known this man for two or three years for example. Thinking logically about it... if she didn't advise you to do you, be careful, get out of the situation, and etc. when you are being done wrong... is she really your friend??? Also, on that same logic train.... if you are in a relationship that is lacking fidelity, trust, respect, and so on, wouldn't the friend have to be an utter FOOL to "hate on" or "envy" that mess??? Now maybe if your friends are some chicks with low self esteem or if they aren't really "down" for you in the first place I could see that, but I'm willing to bet more often than not it has ish to do with "hating" or "misery loving company" or any of those other stereotypical reasons men give their women when their womans' friends are trying to look out for her.
I hope I never find myself in that kind of position, but that if I do I have the courage to remember the sustained love that has been given to me through out my life by those who have always been there for me and to believe that no matter my decision they will have my back but that if they don't say what I would like to hear or if what they say is counter to what I would like to do, that it is because they love me and want the best for me and not for any other nonsensical reason.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Deep Thoughts At Night...
We as people are so fallible! It is not as if life comes with a one size one journey fits all manual for us to follow. it is rather difficult feeling and being one with any decision that we make because we spend so much time either worrying about not making the right decision or not making the right decision for others/based on what others will think, that we lose sight of the importance of having the privilege of choice and the ability to choose.
When it comes to relationships, we are exceptionally fallible and often times unyielding to the fact that it is honestly the most difficult task that any human can take on. In the act of worrying you do a job and you either do it well or you don't, that is clear! Even as a parent you can have various parental styles but still be seen as a good parent (for the most part) as long as you are trying. But being in a relationship with another human being with their own pet peeves, values, and flaws is a completely different story. Even in the best of matches you may have to fight and compromise so much more than you ever thought you would and all for the sake of making love last. In the end just because your actions were "right" in your eyes, that doesn't mean your relationship will last or be good or considered successful.
We spend so much time judging ourselves and others that we rarely take a moment step back and think about how subjective our lives, situations, and decisions are. What is right for one may not be for others. For some it is as simple as your answer to the question "is love enough?" Some may answer (essentially) yes. Others may answer (essentially) no. Neither answer is wrong! For me, myself and I, I would answer essentially no. I believe in compromise and human error I believe in forgiveness and second chances but I also believe in the fact that we have a heart and a brain and the freedom to make choices so that we do so. Someone makes a choice and a consequence follows whether positive or negative. While someone has the right to choose to put me second or last or to disregard me all together I also have the right to say thank you but no thank you. For me struggle and hardship are very difficult things they present opportunities for growth but we have to figure out if the cost is something we can pay.
When it comes to relationships, we are exceptionally fallible and often times unyielding to the fact that it is honestly the most difficult task that any human can take on. In the act of worrying you do a job and you either do it well or you don't, that is clear! Even as a parent you can have various parental styles but still be seen as a good parent (for the most part) as long as you are trying. But being in a relationship with another human being with their own pet peeves, values, and flaws is a completely different story. Even in the best of matches you may have to fight and compromise so much more than you ever thought you would and all for the sake of making love last. In the end just because your actions were "right" in your eyes, that doesn't mean your relationship will last or be good or considered successful.
We spend so much time judging ourselves and others that we rarely take a moment step back and think about how subjective our lives, situations, and decisions are. What is right for one may not be for others. For some it is as simple as your answer to the question "is love enough?" Some may answer (essentially) yes. Others may answer (essentially) no. Neither answer is wrong! For me, myself and I, I would answer essentially no. I believe in compromise and human error I believe in forgiveness and second chances but I also believe in the fact that we have a heart and a brain and the freedom to make choices so that we do so. Someone makes a choice and a consequence follows whether positive or negative. While someone has the right to choose to put me second or last or to disregard me all together I also have the right to say thank you but no thank you. For me struggle and hardship are very difficult things they present opportunities for growth but we have to figure out if the cost is something we can pay.
Can We Use A Little Common Sense Please???
This article I read was talking about how the media, I suppose, was using the Beyonce pregnancy announcement as a way to knock single mothers. I started to think about it and I felt like it was so off base in a lot of ways. My mother was a single mother she was also married when she had both myself and my brother prior to me. I don't think that anyone applauding Beyonce for doing it "the right way" is taking away from or knocking single mothers at all. I do think, however, that it is a message to females usually the younger ones who are not mature enough to recognize that single parenthood is very difficult and while you never know what may happen in a marriage or long term relationship and etc... it says give yourself the chance and the opportunity to experience it that way!
I don't see the comment "doing it the right way" as derogatory towards gay parents, single parents, or adoptive parents either. Lets be for real we all can think of several females in our high school and college days maybe even younger now a days and unfortunately even some older that see having a child with a man as a way to connect with that man "forever" and they don't see that the mans responsibility is to the child not to them. Or they see having a child as a way to have unconditional love from someone & something to take care of, disregarding the huge responsibility of the job of parent. Just like some men out there who make children with a woman and then every time they call its to hook up with the mother and never to talk to their child or harp on how a woman "tricked" them into having children when they themselves never wore a condom & never asked if she was on birth control before having sex. Even with those precautions saying "I don't want any babies" is not a method of birth control and many are very immature in thinking that adoption or abortion are going to be easy methods of "handling" the situation if one does occur. All of these are possible outcomes or pitfalls and there are many others of single parenthood. Many single moms will say straight up, if they could do it again all though they would not trade their child for anything they would have tried to not be doing it on their own, or so young, or before they were able to provide the best for their child (not just monetarily, but in knowledge that comes with growing). The article did point out some of the stats on how kids in two parent homes do usually thrive better than otherwise and as a child who remembers having a mom that worked 2 and 3 jobs to feed us I wish it hadn't been that hard for her. I have experienced first hand the mistakes that young single parents make, and you can not convince me of otherwise, that if my Dad especially was older when they had us, our lives would have been very different. I also know that based on his desire to be around now maybe a great deal of the emotional gaps and questions and ponderings that my brother and myself had to experience would not have been as difficult. I am a fan of challenge and believe every experience does shape you and make you who you are. I love who I am now, but I definitely would have appreciated not having to feel the burden of the reality that can be for some children of single parents.
In summation I see nothing wrong with applauding someone for dating, getting married, being with the person they are with for several years, which hopefully will help to make sure that there is a strong level of commitment to each other. As well as, feeling that both parents are ready to have a child and take on the responsibility that child rearing is. If for nothing else, but for the sake of the child and to hopefully be able to provide them with the most emotional and financial support and security possible. The world is hard enough as it is, it makes sense to try to give your child the best opportunity you can. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work but hopefully the real victim of parenthood... the child won't have to struggle as much if both parents are starting from a place of love and want for the child. I think at times people become offended far too easily, and want to find a way to make something into a negative or make it look like someone is trying to put someone or some group of people down. Don't get me wrong it happens a lot. I just don't think this is one of those times. Anytime any group of people is being encouraged to think before you act, and make life decisions methodically and carefully is a positive. Obviously, Beyonce's situation is not "the right way" for everyone and every group I don't think that means that it's a bad idea to promote it either.
I don't see the comment "doing it the right way" as derogatory towards gay parents, single parents, or adoptive parents either. Lets be for real we all can think of several females in our high school and college days maybe even younger now a days and unfortunately even some older that see having a child with a man as a way to connect with that man "forever" and they don't see that the mans responsibility is to the child not to them. Or they see having a child as a way to have unconditional love from someone & something to take care of, disregarding the huge responsibility of the job of parent. Just like some men out there who make children with a woman and then every time they call its to hook up with the mother and never to talk to their child or harp on how a woman "tricked" them into having children when they themselves never wore a condom & never asked if she was on birth control before having sex. Even with those precautions saying "I don't want any babies" is not a method of birth control and many are very immature in thinking that adoption or abortion are going to be easy methods of "handling" the situation if one does occur. All of these are possible outcomes or pitfalls and there are many others of single parenthood. Many single moms will say straight up, if they could do it again all though they would not trade their child for anything they would have tried to not be doing it on their own, or so young, or before they were able to provide the best for their child (not just monetarily, but in knowledge that comes with growing). The article did point out some of the stats on how kids in two parent homes do usually thrive better than otherwise and as a child who remembers having a mom that worked 2 and 3 jobs to feed us I wish it hadn't been that hard for her. I have experienced first hand the mistakes that young single parents make, and you can not convince me of otherwise, that if my Dad especially was older when they had us, our lives would have been very different. I also know that based on his desire to be around now maybe a great deal of the emotional gaps and questions and ponderings that my brother and myself had to experience would not have been as difficult. I am a fan of challenge and believe every experience does shape you and make you who you are. I love who I am now, but I definitely would have appreciated not having to feel the burden of the reality that can be for some children of single parents.
In summation I see nothing wrong with applauding someone for dating, getting married, being with the person they are with for several years, which hopefully will help to make sure that there is a strong level of commitment to each other. As well as, feeling that both parents are ready to have a child and take on the responsibility that child rearing is. If for nothing else, but for the sake of the child and to hopefully be able to provide them with the most emotional and financial support and security possible. The world is hard enough as it is, it makes sense to try to give your child the best opportunity you can. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work but hopefully the real victim of parenthood... the child won't have to struggle as much if both parents are starting from a place of love and want for the child. I think at times people become offended far too easily, and want to find a way to make something into a negative or make it look like someone is trying to put someone or some group of people down. Don't get me wrong it happens a lot. I just don't think this is one of those times. Anytime any group of people is being encouraged to think before you act, and make life decisions methodically and carefully is a positive. Obviously, Beyonce's situation is not "the right way" for everyone and every group I don't think that means that it's a bad idea to promote it either.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Soaring With The Eagles
Mark 5:40 -
40And they laughed him to scorn. But when he had put them all out, he taketh the father and the mother of the damsel, and them that were with him, and entereth in where the damsel was lying.(www.bibleresources.bible.com)
Joel Osteen's message that I tuned into today was about those that you keep in your inner circle and how they have to be able to inspire you, encourage you, and see where your destiny is leading you. They can't just be with you they have to be for you. He reminded us that you can't soar with the eagles if you are hanging around with turkeys. He also reminded us that God will never ask that you give up something with out replacing it with something better. It doesn't make the decisions or the need any easier but it is encouraging to hope that something/someone better is around the corner.
It's so hard sometimes to pull away from toxic relationships. I know for me personally I keep my circle small in the first place so when I have to consider pulling away from others for my own ability to continue to grow and reach God's purpose for me, that is really hard. I've come to the conclusion though that everything that happens in our lives truly does fulfill a purpose and a reason. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be there for people or with helping people get through a tough time or a tough place but when you recognize that some people are always going through drama, always a victim, always in need of support, it makes sense to stop and think how you are enabling rather than helping if you continue to stay in that same role in that persons life.
I had one purge a few years ago where I let go of some friends that I had for YEARS!!! I realized that the only time they contacted me though was when they wanted something or needed something or when they needed a distraction or were bored and wanted to do something. It got to the point where I started to really take inventory with how much of myself, my day, my struggles I was able to share with these people and how much of the conversations were solely based on them. When it came down to it I realized that the friendship was very one sided and that I didn't deserve those kinds of friends in my life.
My current situation is rather different. I have come to a point in my life where I truly desire to work on making myself a better person and a better contributor to this world. I see the main vehicle for that desire being to continue to surrender to God and his plan for my life but also to continue to spend my time and my efforts with people who encourage and inspire me and who want to see me continue to prosper. Part of that means that these people themselves have to be of a positive mindset, willing to look beyond themselves and their wants to see how they can use their life to serve and help others and really be committed to seeing extraordinary things occur in their lives. I wish that I could say those who are currently in my inner circle definitely represent those areas/goals/beliefs but I know that is not the case. It becomes really difficult then to determine who I need to pull away from if for nothing else just to get some real perspective not effected by emotional attachment on whether this person is someone who is with me or really for me, and not just for me, but for God, and for themselves.
Friday, June 24, 2011
The Real World
The Real World... Last time I checked it is where I live. Eventually, we all have to live here it's just that some people like to pussy-foot around and bs as though if they do all of this back peddling, rebelling, and refusing to grow up it makes a difference. Well I'm here to tell you that it doesn't!!! Unless you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth or in a developing country where oddly enough at both ends of the spectrum your real world is completely different than most of us regular people.
When it comes down to it we all eventually have to make difficult decisions. We have to make mistakes good choices and bad ones. We have to pay bills and find some sort of direction to walk in, even if that changes every 3 months. We have to find away to find a place in this real world or we'll die wrapped up in a fantasy.
I don't say all of this to say that we shouldn't dream, on the contrary, dreaming is absolutely useless if you never make any choices to try to work towards those dreams. Mostly everyone has a story about how they envisioned a specific venture, idea, job opportunity, relationship, etc. and usually where they are when they are telling you that story is varied in differences from that original dream. We can't plan everything because (if you are a spiritual/religious person) we know that God's plan doesn't always have anything to do with our plan. God, however, knows exactly what gifts he has given us and how we can use those gifts to fulfill a purpose but if we spend so much time waiting on this grandiose sign or shuffling our feet we won't accomplish anything. At the end of the day it's on you to get up and make moves. God isn't going to force you to do jack. We all have free will and if you aren't trying then you are just wasting space. When you look at your five year plan if it's year 15 and it's still the same, shoot if it's year 3 and it's still the same you need to re-evaluate your real priorities in life.
I can't stand to see someone with so many blessings, opportunities, and second chances wasting it all because they have their head too far up their own ass to recognize how blessed they are. I absolutely can not stand it when someone is dealing with situations and problems as a 30 year old the same way that they were dealing with problems as a 13 year old. If that sounds like you ***WAKE UP CALL*** Shits not working for you buddy!!!
Life is too short to sit around in the same holding patterns being angry, resentful, a hater, depressed, etc. especially when the world is handed to you or with in your reach with a little work. I wish that I could just take someone who is so involved in their own emotions to a 3rd world country or even to poor areas of this country and let them see what it is like to not have food, shelter, clothing, parents, anyone to love or care for them, no knowledge of God, no hope, no opportunities, but literally just existing! Maybe then they could get their ass off their back long enough to grow up!
That is all!
When it comes down to it we all eventually have to make difficult decisions. We have to make mistakes good choices and bad ones. We have to pay bills and find some sort of direction to walk in, even if that changes every 3 months. We have to find away to find a place in this real world or we'll die wrapped up in a fantasy.
I don't say all of this to say that we shouldn't dream, on the contrary, dreaming is absolutely useless if you never make any choices to try to work towards those dreams. Mostly everyone has a story about how they envisioned a specific venture, idea, job opportunity, relationship, etc. and usually where they are when they are telling you that story is varied in differences from that original dream. We can't plan everything because (if you are a spiritual/religious person) we know that God's plan doesn't always have anything to do with our plan. God, however, knows exactly what gifts he has given us and how we can use those gifts to fulfill a purpose but if we spend so much time waiting on this grandiose sign or shuffling our feet we won't accomplish anything. At the end of the day it's on you to get up and make moves. God isn't going to force you to do jack. We all have free will and if you aren't trying then you are just wasting space. When you look at your five year plan if it's year 15 and it's still the same, shoot if it's year 3 and it's still the same you need to re-evaluate your real priorities in life.
I can't stand to see someone with so many blessings, opportunities, and second chances wasting it all because they have their head too far up their own ass to recognize how blessed they are. I absolutely can not stand it when someone is dealing with situations and problems as a 30 year old the same way that they were dealing with problems as a 13 year old. If that sounds like you ***WAKE UP CALL*** Shits not working for you buddy!!!
Life is too short to sit around in the same holding patterns being angry, resentful, a hater, depressed, etc. especially when the world is handed to you or with in your reach with a little work. I wish that I could just take someone who is so involved in their own emotions to a 3rd world country or even to poor areas of this country and let them see what it is like to not have food, shelter, clothing, parents, anyone to love or care for them, no knowledge of God, no hope, no opportunities, but literally just existing! Maybe then they could get their ass off their back long enough to grow up!
That is all!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Direction...
Mind:
God guided me through turmoil, pressure, and change to take me to my rock bottom so that he could build me up and show me how to build myself up when there is no one else (in the physical sense) to depend on to do so. I now know how being afraid or prideful of asking for help is not the way to handle any situation, ignoring it doesn't make it go away, and the longer you keep your walls up pretending like you are not at war with your mind the more and more distressed and upset and down you will feel. I continue to work on the mind by feeding it education, moments to reflect & unwind, & most of all by reminding myself that there is nothing that God can not handle in my life worth resorting to worry and fear over. There is nothing I've done in my life that God has not already forgiven me for and there for there is no need to worry about the past. I have learned from my mistakes, and the mistakes of others and I continue to grow in mind everyday.
Body:
I have the opportunity to make the body a priority and to make sure that I am being aware of what I am putting into it. Of the exercise that I do or don't do and of the way that I treat it. I want to be healthy for as long as I live and that requires a renewed dedication to taking care of the physical part of me.
Soul:
I have finally come to a place where, although my faith never wavered and my prayers remained constant and my daily discussions with God remained in tact, I am over myself and my stuff that was keeping me in a place of being upset with God. I continued to push no matter how I felt but also was very honest with God that I was upset and that I needed time to get through it. Not only did God help me to reach a place of understanding and acceptance but he also never left my side continuing to support and push me through this time and continuing to bless me in more ways than I could ever imagine. I continue to feed my soul by continue to praise and worship God, continuing to study his word and continuing to be faithful by following his plan for my life.
God guided me through turmoil, pressure, and change to take me to my rock bottom so that he could build me up and show me how to build myself up when there is no one else (in the physical sense) to depend on to do so. I now know how being afraid or prideful of asking for help is not the way to handle any situation, ignoring it doesn't make it go away, and the longer you keep your walls up pretending like you are not at war with your mind the more and more distressed and upset and down you will feel. I continue to work on the mind by feeding it education, moments to reflect & unwind, & most of all by reminding myself that there is nothing that God can not handle in my life worth resorting to worry and fear over. There is nothing I've done in my life that God has not already forgiven me for and there for there is no need to worry about the past. I have learned from my mistakes, and the mistakes of others and I continue to grow in mind everyday.
Body:
I have the opportunity to make the body a priority and to make sure that I am being aware of what I am putting into it. Of the exercise that I do or don't do and of the way that I treat it. I want to be healthy for as long as I live and that requires a renewed dedication to taking care of the physical part of me.
Soul:
I have finally come to a place where, although my faith never wavered and my prayers remained constant and my daily discussions with God remained in tact, I am over myself and my stuff that was keeping me in a place of being upset with God. I continued to push no matter how I felt but also was very honest with God that I was upset and that I needed time to get through it. Not only did God help me to reach a place of understanding and acceptance but he also never left my side continuing to support and push me through this time and continuing to bless me in more ways than I could ever imagine. I continue to feed my soul by continue to praise and worship God, continuing to study his word and continuing to be faithful by following his plan for my life.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Good Stuff!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1403988/
This movie was great! Especially if you have experienced a volatile (not in the sense of violent) but passionate relationship where everything seems to be too perfect so you convince yourself that there is no way it can work and there for no reason to try.
I found it extremely humorous, while watching the special features, that no one on the cast except for the director spoke about Romance or Romanticism in the sense that the movie was really trying to get to except the director & maybe Elijah Wood somewhat. The rest of the cast talked about the literal sense of it or what we normally think of when we are talking about romance. The favor, the flare, the granduer, in a love relationship context. The director explained on the other hand the period of time when poets were writing and yes in a very flashy, grand kind of way about freedom, about breaking away from the restriction of organized religion, and expressing ones self fully, and embracing life and what it had to offer. Something else I can really relate to. In the sense that I think we all have that feeling of throwing caution to the wind throwing away everything that is established and starting anew by building our own revolution. Then we get snapped back into reality and the fact that the revolution isn't free! ;)
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
~* True Friendship *~
True Friendship is a dying construct, similar to the monogamous w/ labels relationship. I am not saying that it does not exist anymore; just that it is becoming more and more rare. I feel so blessed when I look at those that I have chosen to be in my life and see wonderful people of honor and substance.
It saddens me when I think of all the lessons I have learned the hard way in my friendships. While getting to know people is full of ups & downs of course as long as I can say that someone has not hurt me intentionally then I can move on. However, to think of those who regard friendship as a means to use people and to get what they want when they want/need it is disgusting to me. So many individuals walk around with so many "friends" and "people in their life" but they regard them more so as resources than a friend. A friend is most definitely a resource at times but when you only speak to someone when you want something from them you need to begin to re-evaluate your priorities. The sad thing is that those people who use their friends rarely recognize the assault that they are committing, and even more discouraging is that a great deal of them do not care.
A real friend will confront you even when they are afraid to, they may get angry when you confront them but they will always pause and think on what you have expressed and come back to communicate with you. A real friend will ask of you when they are in need, but will offer when you are in need (if they can help), and recognize how difficult it may be to ask for help when you do ask. A real friend will respect your privacy, keep your secrets, except when in need of an outside consult to determine how to move forward. A real friend will listen to your same story a million times. A real friend will accept your flaws, and emphasize your positive attributes.
Lastly, a true friend will set a high standard for your friendship and expect nothing less than what you are fully capable of while encouraging you to continue to grow with them!
It saddens me when I think of all the lessons I have learned the hard way in my friendships. While getting to know people is full of ups & downs of course as long as I can say that someone has not hurt me intentionally then I can move on. However, to think of those who regard friendship as a means to use people and to get what they want when they want/need it is disgusting to me. So many individuals walk around with so many "friends" and "people in their life" but they regard them more so as resources than a friend. A friend is most definitely a resource at times but when you only speak to someone when you want something from them you need to begin to re-evaluate your priorities. The sad thing is that those people who use their friends rarely recognize the assault that they are committing, and even more discouraging is that a great deal of them do not care.
A real friend will confront you even when they are afraid to, they may get angry when you confront them but they will always pause and think on what you have expressed and come back to communicate with you. A real friend will ask of you when they are in need, but will offer when you are in need (if they can help), and recognize how difficult it may be to ask for help when you do ask. A real friend will respect your privacy, keep your secrets, except when in need of an outside consult to determine how to move forward. A real friend will listen to your same story a million times. A real friend will accept your flaws, and emphasize your positive attributes.
Lastly, a true friend will set a high standard for your friendship and expect nothing less than what you are fully capable of while encouraging you to continue to grow with them!
Monday, March 14, 2011
I Will Not Be Conquered!
I truly believe for every hurdle you cross in an effort to build a better you
To build your character, spirit, happiness, self-esteem, & self-acceptance,
There is always a broken, hurt, misguided, ignorant, hate-filled, or devious individual
When intentional on their part, usually, to have company wallowing on their level
More often than not though to test your actual level of growth and ability to stand in confidence
Stand for who you are and what you've worked so hard to build
In these times you have to assess if your level of change is habitual or not
Can you pull them up to your level, or are you new in your growth and need to walk away
Being able to decipher the difference may be the biggest test of them all
In the end you have to remember the further you progress the more challenging & difficult your enemy will be
Give, share, & spread your love continue to move forward & don't be afraid to do what's right for you
Whether you promote & believe in yourself or not you will always be a target
But whether you come out of the experience on top will be dependent upon how you really see yourself
And who you truly know yourself to beMonday, March 7, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
My 5th & Final Tattoo
"Being a non-conformist – Koi swimming upstream can be interpreted as showing the philosophy of non-conformism because of the fact that the Koi does not “go with the flow”. This can mean a person is very independent minded and does not do things the way they are expected of him or her. Swimming upstream can mean that a person is not easily influenced by others and does what he or she wants.- Strength in time of adversity – Koi fish also symbolizes persistence and the willingness to go on even though you are being swept away. It also symbolizes surpassing expectations. The Koi fish swimming upriver can show that a person has overcome various obstacles and not only does he or she keep standing, but he or she has come out victorious."
- "There is another word to describe "love" which is "koi". The kanji character for "kokoro (heart)" is included as part of both kanji characters. Both "ai" and "koi" are probably translated as "love" in English. However, they have slightly different nuance: "Koi" is a love for the opposite sex, or a longing feeling for a specific person. It can be described as "romantic love" or "passionate love". While "ai" has the same meaning as "koi," it also has a definition of a general feeling of love. "Koi" can be selfish, but "ai" is a real love. Here are some lines that explain them well: Koi is always wanting. Ai is always giving."
- According to Japanese legend if a koi succeeded in climbing the falls at a point called Dragon Gate on the Yellow River it would be transformed into a dragon. Based on that legend, it became a symbol of worldly aspiration and advancement. More generally, the Japanese associate koi (also known as carp) with perserverance in adversity and strength of purpose. Because of its strength and determination to overcome obstacles, it stands for courage and the ability to attain high goals.
- "Koi symbolize serenity and peace."
So I think it's pretty obvious what I would like my fifth and final tattoo to be. I already have two of the three P's that I try to live by Patience and Passion as tattoo's. The Koi to me will represent Purpose. The hard part will be deciding what design to get. I really like the ones I posted above so I'll have to take some time to figure out exactly how I'd like it. I think I want the word Purpose along with the Koi and I'd like to integrate a small cross maybe on the tail of the Koi. We shall see! I'm glad that I have made a decision though! YAY!
UPDATE:
My Koi Fish:
Saturday, February 19, 2011
I Got It Bad For This...
"Sure Thing" by Miguel
Know you like a brother
Treat you like a friend
Respect you like a lover
You could bet that
Never gotta sweat that [x4]
If you be the cash
I'll be the rubberband
You be the match
Imma be your fuse
Boom!
Painter baby you
Could be the muse
I'm the reporter baby
You could be the news
Cause your the cigarette
And I'm the smoker
We raise a bet...
Cause your the joker
Truth tho...
You are the chalk
And I could be the blackboard
And you can be the talk
And I could be the walk
Even when the sky comes falling
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it baby simple and plain
cuz this love is a sure thing
You could bet that
Never got to sweat that [x4]
You could be the lover
I'll be the fighter babe
If I'm the blunt
You could be the lighter babe
Fire it up!
Writer babe
You could be the quote
If I'm the lyric baby
You could be the note
Record that!
Saint, I'm a sinner
Prize, I'm a winner
And it's you
What can I do to deserve that
Paper baby
I'll be the pen
Say that I'm the one
Cause you are a ten
real and not pretend!
Even when the sky comes fallin
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty lil hand in mine
Even when were down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it babe simple and plain
Cause this love is a sure thing
Rock wit me baby
Let me hold you in my arms
Talk to with me baby
[x2]
This love
Between you and I
As simple as pie baby
Such a sure thing
Oh it is a sure thing [x2]
Even when the sky comes fallin
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it baby simple and plain
This love is a sure thing
Know you like a brother
Treat you like a friend
Respect you like a lover
Know you like a brother
Treat you like a friend
Respect you like a lover
You could bet that
Never gotta sweat that [x4]
If you be the cash
I'll be the rubberband
You be the match
Imma be your fuse
Boom!
Painter baby you
Could be the muse
I'm the reporter baby
You could be the news
Cause your the cigarette
And I'm the smoker
We raise a bet...
Cause your the joker
Truth tho...
You are the chalk
And I could be the blackboard
And you can be the talk
And I could be the walk
Even when the sky comes falling
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it baby simple and plain
cuz this love is a sure thing
You could bet that
Never got to sweat that [x4]
You could be the lover
I'll be the fighter babe
If I'm the blunt
You could be the lighter babe
Fire it up!
Writer babe
You could be the quote
If I'm the lyric baby
You could be the note
Record that!
Saint, I'm a sinner
Prize, I'm a winner
And it's you
What can I do to deserve that
Paper baby
I'll be the pen
Say that I'm the one
Cause you are a ten
real and not pretend!
Even when the sky comes fallin
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty lil hand in mine
Even when were down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it babe simple and plain
Cause this love is a sure thing
Rock wit me baby
Let me hold you in my arms
Talk to with me baby
[x2]
This love
Between you and I
As simple as pie baby
Such a sure thing
Oh it is a sure thing [x2]
Even when the sky comes fallin
Even when the sun don't shine
I got faith in you and I
So put your pretty little hand in mine
Even when we're down to the wire babe
Even when it's do or die
We can do it baby simple and plain
This love is a sure thing
Know you like a brother
Treat you like a friend
Respect you like a lover
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Transparency
Transparency
I am a fort.
I am a tower.
I am an island.
A wall short enough to see over.
Kindness, genuineness, ambition, honesty & love,
Can be seen, and felt being emitted.
A fence surrounds the wall.
10 times as high, electrical currents, barb wire, red flags of caution, alluring mystery run through it.
The power is off!
Through the gate of the fence you walk, now open, seemingly welcoming.
Over the wall you climb, a sea of transparency you expect to find.
But only a hedge maze.
I am a fort.
I am a tower.
I am an island.
A wall short enough to see over.
Kindness, genuineness, ambition, honesty & love,
Can be seen, and felt being emitted.
A fence surrounds the wall.
10 times as high, electrical currents, barb wire, red flags of caution, alluring mystery run through it.
The power is off!
Through the gate of the fence you walk, now open, seemingly welcoming.
Over the wall you climb, a sea of transparency you expect to find.
But only a hedge maze.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
..::Quality Vs. Quantity::..
Quality Vs. Quantity is a topic that I've been rattling around in my brain for quite some time. I think it's all about a persons personality whether one or the other is more important to them. Some people are more introverted, or extroverted, or some where in the middle. Those qualities are going to be the first that help determine if quantity interests you.
Quality on the other hand is a tricky one. There are a great deal of people who will say, well why can't I have both? To that I say: it's kind of like that triangle on that one episode of Bernie Mac, lol! You can get fast & cheap but it won't be good, you can get good & cheap but it won't be fast, or you can get fast & good but it won't be cheap! With quality you have to put in time, effort, and care to get the best results possible. When you take short cuts or cut corners you get below par results.
Many people have a fascination with popularity and power don't even know it. When they are slighted or when they run into a person or a situation that has passed it's reason & season they will still hold on for dear life, why, out of that pride & ego. The desire to be liked, loved, & admired can cause people to jump into situations that send up ginormous red flags that say "quality does not live here" and yet you're still holding on. It's all about those core values and when you value quality over quantity but are smack in the middle of quantity people if your pride is in the mix or low self-esteem or little insight & acceptance of who you truly are you'll often wonder why it is that certain patterns continue to repeat themselves or why certain relationships or friendships continue to not work out. Of course other factors play a part in it but the fundamental building blocks need to be similar in order for there to be any reliability in the foundation.
Quantity isn't a bad thing for a lot of people. A great deal of people love to be surrounded by others, they love to network and have many people in their circle that could potentially be an asset in one way or another to them. While they may be a truly quality person they don't always see that you are a mirror (which is partly composed of family and those people you didn't choose to be in your life) that reflects those that you choose to have in your life. A person of quality can spread themselves very thin in a room of quantity. If you have several quality people reflecting your quality in your inner circle but then have far more people who are about quantity in that same circle they will over power them, and you can become lost. Being a person of quality you can also be searching for signs & actions that people of quantity aren't able to show you, you can be naive in situations, and continue to put your trust & feelings on the line in a situation that is not going to end well for you.
As stated earlier, everyone is different and if you are truly a person of quantity and it works for you then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, however, if you are a person of quality attempting to have it all in a world of quantity be prepared to be a reflection of that quantity both positively & negatively. What I've learned in my experience and I'm sure is not true for all: is that if I regard myself to be a person of substance and others around me reveal themselves to not be of better or equal substance then I must classify them where they are in their journey, not in comparison to mine, and determine based on that how much influence/time they are allotted in my life.
Quality on the other hand is a tricky one. There are a great deal of people who will say, well why can't I have both? To that I say: it's kind of like that triangle on that one episode of Bernie Mac, lol! You can get fast & cheap but it won't be good, you can get good & cheap but it won't be fast, or you can get fast & good but it won't be cheap! With quality you have to put in time, effort, and care to get the best results possible. When you take short cuts or cut corners you get below par results.
Many people have a fascination with popularity and power don't even know it. When they are slighted or when they run into a person or a situation that has passed it's reason & season they will still hold on for dear life, why, out of that pride & ego. The desire to be liked, loved, & admired can cause people to jump into situations that send up ginormous red flags that say "quality does not live here" and yet you're still holding on. It's all about those core values and when you value quality over quantity but are smack in the middle of quantity people if your pride is in the mix or low self-esteem or little insight & acceptance of who you truly are you'll often wonder why it is that certain patterns continue to repeat themselves or why certain relationships or friendships continue to not work out. Of course other factors play a part in it but the fundamental building blocks need to be similar in order for there to be any reliability in the foundation.
Quantity isn't a bad thing for a lot of people. A great deal of people love to be surrounded by others, they love to network and have many people in their circle that could potentially be an asset in one way or another to them. While they may be a truly quality person they don't always see that you are a mirror (which is partly composed of family and those people you didn't choose to be in your life) that reflects those that you choose to have in your life. A person of quality can spread themselves very thin in a room of quantity. If you have several quality people reflecting your quality in your inner circle but then have far more people who are about quantity in that same circle they will over power them, and you can become lost. Being a person of quality you can also be searching for signs & actions that people of quantity aren't able to show you, you can be naive in situations, and continue to put your trust & feelings on the line in a situation that is not going to end well for you.
As stated earlier, everyone is different and if you are truly a person of quantity and it works for you then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, however, if you are a person of quality attempting to have it all in a world of quantity be prepared to be a reflection of that quantity both positively & negatively. What I've learned in my experience and I'm sure is not true for all: is that if I regard myself to be a person of substance and others around me reveal themselves to not be of better or equal substance then I must classify them where they are in their journey, not in comparison to mine, and determine based on that how much influence/time they are allotted in my life.
Personal Journey(s)
:::Warning::: This post is riddled with personal opinion!
Being that I was never "raised" in the church I had a very difficult time as I got older attempting to find a church that I felt a sense of belonging too. When I was in Undergrad I had the pleasure of finding one church that truly felt like home to me, unfortunately, it is located three hours or so away from my actual home! I have always had faith no matter the level of exposure I had to church or the sporadic Sunday school trips we made when I was younger. I just always believed in God, and in Jesus Christ and that he did in fact die for my sins! I chose to get baptized the week after I graduated from college because I was ready to make my public declaration of faith at that time.
In reading this I'm sure you're saying oh okay well that sounds great despite your upbringing not being consistently grounded in a church family and etc. you were able to find Jesus and follow the necessary steps to become saved... But when I came home from college I found a church similar to the one that I used to go to in Undergrad and attended for some time but something just didn't resonate with me as it had in the previous setting. As time went on and I got busier I attended less and less. I never turned my back on my personal relationship with God but I had less time and less motivation to attempt to find another church or to make the one I was going to work.
I then started to think about why it was so important to go to church. I understood that it is important to fellowship with Gods people and the church is a place to give praise and worship to God as well as having a place to pay your tithes and so on and so forth. So for those who have been able to find that connection and that stability in a church I'm super glad for you, but it was apparent that I was having a great deal of difficulty doing so.
Well when Grad. school came about and all the craziness that goes along with it, the life/relationship/situational changes and etc. I decided to stop making myself feel bad for not having found that "right" place for me yet! I took a year to spiral into darkness that was overworking, and overpushing myself. Then I took a year to get myself together and work on my relationship with me, well more like a year and a half. Now I feel like I have so much more to offer my relationship with God. This year my focus is to take more time to talk to God, to study the word, read my devotionals, and work my way back to a place where I'm ready to look for and know what exactly I am looking for in a home church.
I found myself giving myself such a hard time and feeling so guilty that I was not going to church on a regular basis and at one point I just stopped and said wait a minute!!! I know that God wants me to be a part of a church but I'm pretty sure that he cares most about my relationship with him and that he has put me in the position that I am currently in and the situations that I have been through to lead me to be the very person I am, and to be on the very journey that I am currently on. For some I may be intellectualizing the situation too much, but if I've learned nothing over the last several years I have learned that every person is different, their personality and the way the think and feel and respond is different than the next persons. I can't let someone else's expectations of me or my desire to please others determine the decisions I make and how I live my life. I'll get where it is that he is leading me when I get there and that's all I really care about anymore, and for that I'm happy.
Being that I was never "raised" in the church I had a very difficult time as I got older attempting to find a church that I felt a sense of belonging too. When I was in Undergrad I had the pleasure of finding one church that truly felt like home to me, unfortunately, it is located three hours or so away from my actual home! I have always had faith no matter the level of exposure I had to church or the sporadic Sunday school trips we made when I was younger. I just always believed in God, and in Jesus Christ and that he did in fact die for my sins! I chose to get baptized the week after I graduated from college because I was ready to make my public declaration of faith at that time.
In reading this I'm sure you're saying oh okay well that sounds great despite your upbringing not being consistently grounded in a church family and etc. you were able to find Jesus and follow the necessary steps to become saved... But when I came home from college I found a church similar to the one that I used to go to in Undergrad and attended for some time but something just didn't resonate with me as it had in the previous setting. As time went on and I got busier I attended less and less. I never turned my back on my personal relationship with God but I had less time and less motivation to attempt to find another church or to make the one I was going to work.
I then started to think about why it was so important to go to church. I understood that it is important to fellowship with Gods people and the church is a place to give praise and worship to God as well as having a place to pay your tithes and so on and so forth. So for those who have been able to find that connection and that stability in a church I'm super glad for you, but it was apparent that I was having a great deal of difficulty doing so.
Well when Grad. school came about and all the craziness that goes along with it, the life/relationship/situational changes and etc. I decided to stop making myself feel bad for not having found that "right" place for me yet! I took a year to spiral into darkness that was overworking, and overpushing myself. Then I took a year to get myself together and work on my relationship with me, well more like a year and a half. Now I feel like I have so much more to offer my relationship with God. This year my focus is to take more time to talk to God, to study the word, read my devotionals, and work my way back to a place where I'm ready to look for and know what exactly I am looking for in a home church.
I found myself giving myself such a hard time and feeling so guilty that I was not going to church on a regular basis and at one point I just stopped and said wait a minute!!! I know that God wants me to be a part of a church but I'm pretty sure that he cares most about my relationship with him and that he has put me in the position that I am currently in and the situations that I have been through to lead me to be the very person I am, and to be on the very journey that I am currently on. For some I may be intellectualizing the situation too much, but if I've learned nothing over the last several years I have learned that every person is different, their personality and the way the think and feel and respond is different than the next persons. I can't let someone else's expectations of me or my desire to please others determine the decisions I make and how I live my life. I'll get where it is that he is leading me when I get there and that's all I really care about anymore, and for that I'm happy.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The Key To Disappointment
The key to disappointment is to set your expectations of others and yourself to a level that is unrealistic and maintain it there.
The key to disappointment is to believe that because you "love" "care about" or "know" someone that they will change for and/or because of you.
The key to disappointment is to ignore your instincts and your brain and follow your heart alone.
The key to disappointment is to continue to make excuses for yourself and others and continue to force change.
The key to disappointment is to view your perception as fact.
The key to not being disappointment is to keep your trust in God and don't place your situation and needs above those of others but in relation to the needs and situations of others.
The key to disappointment is to believe that because you "love" "care about" or "know" someone that they will change for and/or because of you.
The key to disappointment is to ignore your instincts and your brain and follow your heart alone.
The key to disappointment is to continue to make excuses for yourself and others and continue to force change.
The key to disappointment is to view your perception as fact.
The key to not being disappointment is to keep your trust in God and don't place your situation and needs above those of others but in relation to the needs and situations of others.
The Way of Love
1 Corinthians 13
The Way of Love
1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3 -7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
8 -10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
11When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
| The Message (MSG) |
| Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson |
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Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Three point Five Years
3.5 years will be summed up by a commencement ceremony to receive one piece of paper, but in that 3.5 yrs I've built, developed, & ended relationships, I've fought w/ those I love(d) been cared for & betrayed. I've learned too many lessons to summarize, stayed up long nights writing papers, worked 10,11,12, & 13 hr days, while doing 7,9, & 10 cr hrs worth of classes. Drove two or more hours per day to work & school & back, worked overtime, overnights, dealt with crisis & being treated like a taxi service. While being present for marriages, divorces, cancers, heart attacks, births, & deaths. I've fallen out of & in love with counseling & w/ people. I've doubted myself & my ability, gained & regained my confidence, learned new skills & honed others. Pinched pennies, borrowed money, time, and food, given my last, my best, my all. Prayed for clarity, meditated in stillness for an answer. I've learned who truly wants to see me succeed & who could careless. I've demanded a lot of myself lived through the arguments & put myself back together when the love was gone. I've learned what it's like to be truly exhausted & continue on another day, how to have a 103 degree temperature and still get to work & class. I've learned when to say "no more", the difference between self-care & selfishness. What 6 day 60 hr work weeks & 6 hours of sleep per night do to your body and your mind, and still carried others worries & struggles on my shoulders, lived through the mood swings mine & others, the body aches, the cramps, the physical rundown of the emotional and mental strain. I've expanded my horizons, obtained new levels, learned what balance is and isn't. I've jumped with excitement for 53 credit hours of A's & 3 credit hours of B's all the same, I've changed... I've GROWN! I've felt the excitement of helping someone get to the next level, solve a problem, start over, feel empowered & encouraged, and renew them self. I've escaped to closets & secluded bathrooms to hyperventilate and cry and sunny beaches to soak it in and renew. One piece of paper can not even begin to describe what the last 3 years and soon to be 3.5 years of my life have been. So if you see me walk across that stage in May with tears & a smile, you can say now that you know why!
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