We as people are so fallible! It is not as if life comes with a one size one journey fits all manual for us to follow. it is rather difficult feeling and being one with any decision that we make because we spend so much time either worrying about not making the right decision or not making the right decision for others/based on what others will think, that we lose sight of the importance of having the privilege of choice and the ability to choose.
When it comes to relationships, we are exceptionally fallible and often times unyielding to the fact that it is honestly the most difficult task that any human can take on. In the act of worrying you do a job and you either do it well or you don't, that is clear! Even as a parent you can have various parental styles but still be seen as a good parent (for the most part) as long as you are trying. But being in a relationship with another human being with their own pet peeves, values, and flaws is a completely different story. Even in the best of matches you may have to fight and compromise so much more than you ever thought you would and all for the sake of making love last. In the end just because your actions were "right" in your eyes, that doesn't mean your relationship will last or be good or considered successful.
We spend so much time judging ourselves and others that we rarely take a moment step back and think about how subjective our lives, situations, and decisions are. What is right for one may not be for others. For some it is as simple as your answer to the question "is love enough?" Some may answer (essentially) yes. Others may answer (essentially) no. Neither answer is wrong! For me, myself and I, I would answer essentially no. I believe in compromise and human error I believe in forgiveness and second chances but I also believe in the fact that we have a heart and a brain and the freedom to make choices so that we do so. Someone makes a choice and a consequence follows whether positive or negative. While someone has the right to choose to put me second or last or to disregard me all together I also have the right to say thank you but no thank you. For me struggle and hardship are very difficult things they present opportunities for growth but we have to figure out if the cost is something we can pay.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Can We Use A Little Common Sense Please???
This article I read was talking about how the media, I suppose, was using the Beyonce pregnancy announcement as a way to knock single mothers. I started to think about it and I felt like it was so off base in a lot of ways. My mother was a single mother she was also married when she had both myself and my brother prior to me. I don't think that anyone applauding Beyonce for doing it "the right way" is taking away from or knocking single mothers at all. I do think, however, that it is a message to females usually the younger ones who are not mature enough to recognize that single parenthood is very difficult and while you never know what may happen in a marriage or long term relationship and etc... it says give yourself the chance and the opportunity to experience it that way!
I don't see the comment "doing it the right way" as derogatory towards gay parents, single parents, or adoptive parents either. Lets be for real we all can think of several females in our high school and college days maybe even younger now a days and unfortunately even some older that see having a child with a man as a way to connect with that man "forever" and they don't see that the mans responsibility is to the child not to them. Or they see having a child as a way to have unconditional love from someone & something to take care of, disregarding the huge responsibility of the job of parent. Just like some men out there who make children with a woman and then every time they call its to hook up with the mother and never to talk to their child or harp on how a woman "tricked" them into having children when they themselves never wore a condom & never asked if she was on birth control before having sex. Even with those precautions saying "I don't want any babies" is not a method of birth control and many are very immature in thinking that adoption or abortion are going to be easy methods of "handling" the situation if one does occur. All of these are possible outcomes or pitfalls and there are many others of single parenthood. Many single moms will say straight up, if they could do it again all though they would not trade their child for anything they would have tried to not be doing it on their own, or so young, or before they were able to provide the best for their child (not just monetarily, but in knowledge that comes with growing). The article did point out some of the stats on how kids in two parent homes do usually thrive better than otherwise and as a child who remembers having a mom that worked 2 and 3 jobs to feed us I wish it hadn't been that hard for her. I have experienced first hand the mistakes that young single parents make, and you can not convince me of otherwise, that if my Dad especially was older when they had us, our lives would have been very different. I also know that based on his desire to be around now maybe a great deal of the emotional gaps and questions and ponderings that my brother and myself had to experience would not have been as difficult. I am a fan of challenge and believe every experience does shape you and make you who you are. I love who I am now, but I definitely would have appreciated not having to feel the burden of the reality that can be for some children of single parents.
In summation I see nothing wrong with applauding someone for dating, getting married, being with the person they are with for several years, which hopefully will help to make sure that there is a strong level of commitment to each other. As well as, feeling that both parents are ready to have a child and take on the responsibility that child rearing is. If for nothing else, but for the sake of the child and to hopefully be able to provide them with the most emotional and financial support and security possible. The world is hard enough as it is, it makes sense to try to give your child the best opportunity you can. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work but hopefully the real victim of parenthood... the child won't have to struggle as much if both parents are starting from a place of love and want for the child. I think at times people become offended far too easily, and want to find a way to make something into a negative or make it look like someone is trying to put someone or some group of people down. Don't get me wrong it happens a lot. I just don't think this is one of those times. Anytime any group of people is being encouraged to think before you act, and make life decisions methodically and carefully is a positive. Obviously, Beyonce's situation is not "the right way" for everyone and every group I don't think that means that it's a bad idea to promote it either.
I don't see the comment "doing it the right way" as derogatory towards gay parents, single parents, or adoptive parents either. Lets be for real we all can think of several females in our high school and college days maybe even younger now a days and unfortunately even some older that see having a child with a man as a way to connect with that man "forever" and they don't see that the mans responsibility is to the child not to them. Or they see having a child as a way to have unconditional love from someone & something to take care of, disregarding the huge responsibility of the job of parent. Just like some men out there who make children with a woman and then every time they call its to hook up with the mother and never to talk to their child or harp on how a woman "tricked" them into having children when they themselves never wore a condom & never asked if she was on birth control before having sex. Even with those precautions saying "I don't want any babies" is not a method of birth control and many are very immature in thinking that adoption or abortion are going to be easy methods of "handling" the situation if one does occur. All of these are possible outcomes or pitfalls and there are many others of single parenthood. Many single moms will say straight up, if they could do it again all though they would not trade their child for anything they would have tried to not be doing it on their own, or so young, or before they were able to provide the best for their child (not just monetarily, but in knowledge that comes with growing). The article did point out some of the stats on how kids in two parent homes do usually thrive better than otherwise and as a child who remembers having a mom that worked 2 and 3 jobs to feed us I wish it hadn't been that hard for her. I have experienced first hand the mistakes that young single parents make, and you can not convince me of otherwise, that if my Dad especially was older when they had us, our lives would have been very different. I also know that based on his desire to be around now maybe a great deal of the emotional gaps and questions and ponderings that my brother and myself had to experience would not have been as difficult. I am a fan of challenge and believe every experience does shape you and make you who you are. I love who I am now, but I definitely would have appreciated not having to feel the burden of the reality that can be for some children of single parents.
In summation I see nothing wrong with applauding someone for dating, getting married, being with the person they are with for several years, which hopefully will help to make sure that there is a strong level of commitment to each other. As well as, feeling that both parents are ready to have a child and take on the responsibility that child rearing is. If for nothing else, but for the sake of the child and to hopefully be able to provide them with the most emotional and financial support and security possible. The world is hard enough as it is, it makes sense to try to give your child the best opportunity you can. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work but hopefully the real victim of parenthood... the child won't have to struggle as much if both parents are starting from a place of love and want for the child. I think at times people become offended far too easily, and want to find a way to make something into a negative or make it look like someone is trying to put someone or some group of people down. Don't get me wrong it happens a lot. I just don't think this is one of those times. Anytime any group of people is being encouraged to think before you act, and make life decisions methodically and carefully is a positive. Obviously, Beyonce's situation is not "the right way" for everyone and every group I don't think that means that it's a bad idea to promote it either.
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