Givers VS Takers

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Givers VS Takers

How can you tell the difference between "Givers" and "Takers"? Here's a simple listing.

Givers	Takers
Why shouldn't I help?	Why should I help?
Don't question motivations	Ask "I wonder what they want?"
Ask, "How will this benefit others?"	Ask, "What's in it for me?"
Releasing	Controlling
Finds power and peace in spiritual wisdom	Finds power and peace in externals and things
Willing to be servants	Must be "lords"
Follows the flow with insight	Appears "In control"
Rolls with the punches	Easily overwhelmed
Love unconditionally	"Love" conditionally
High capacity for pain	Low capacity for pain
Bear pain silently and with patience	Whiners
Seldom call attention to themselves	Braggarts
Live confidently, day by day	There's "always something..." to worry about
May be left "holding the bag"	"Squeaky Clean"
Pick up after themselves	Leave damage and behind in them
Sharers	Collectors
What can I do for them?	What's in it for me?
Invest in people	Invest in selves
Willing to give virtually unlimited resources	In need of virtually unlimited attention and support
Dependable	Dependent
No time table	Time, schedules closely monitored
Flexible, open to sudden changes	"Too busy"
No expectation of return	Tit-for-tat
Simply give for the joy of it	Pre-occupied with facade of "gratitude"
Help people change their own lives	Change people's lives for their own ends
Committed to others	Committed to self
Support	Undermine
Energize	Drain energies
Seek opportunities	Seek personal comfort
Constructively critical	Judgmentally critical
Do for themselves and others	Do for themselves only what others won't do for them
Doesn't "use" others to a fault	Manipulative
Releasing	Controlling
Agenda is announced, overt, and open to scrutiny	Cleverly hidden agenda
Trusting of leaders	Distrust any and all leaders
Help unconditionally	Help given until angered
Trusting, able to give the benefit of a doubt	Suspicious, untrusting
Concerned with the essential and important	Perfectionistic and controlling
Defensive/Supporting	Offensive/Attacking
Can face and work through pain	Fear of pain and suffering
Listeners	Needy talkers
Flexible	Live by schedules
Share comfort, confidence	Share discomfort, fear
Gospel-Driven	Legalistic
On spiritual pilgrimage	Resist spiritual transformation
Worships God by giving life as a living sacrifice to God	Worships God according to their own set procedure, schedules, and manner
Forgive, forget, and come back supportive	Don't forgive unless they have to
Spontaneous, fun-loving	Rigid, rule-enforcer
Willing to "break the rules" to show compassion	Live, fight and die by "principles" and "rights"
Willingly give up their own agenda for others	Will stop at nothing to get their way
Focus on becoming transformed for God's purposes	Focus on conforming others to themselves
Concerned with the important	Concerned with the urgent
Willing to pay the price for others' well-being	Make others pay the price for their desires, needs, wants
Permeable boundaries	Impermeable, rigid boundaries
Doers	Whiners
Proactive	Reactive
They come, assist, and when done, leave no "silver bullet" behind	"Humbly" seek "deserved" attention, affection, reward and recognition for efforts
Willing to wash feet, take out trash, do dirty work	Refuse to submit to demeaning tasks below their dignity
Focus on helping others achieve their goals	Focused on titles, position
They can be ignored as long as people aren't hurt	Always must make a point and be heard no matter what the cost
Help facilitate great healing	Cause much pain
Patient	Impatient
No shows	Overly polite, mannerly
Help when others hurt	Cause helpers hurt
Shed tears, feel deep grief when hurt	Don't talk, trust or feel
Accept responsibility for their own behavior	Mercilessly project responsibility and blame on others
Survivors	Victims
Submit to God's will	God is Aladdin's Lamp
Reality-based	Fantasy-driven "If only..."
"Things" just aren't that important	Materialistic
People are important	My things are important
Internally driven by "grace" values	Externally driven
Welfare-of-others conscious	Status conscious
Expansive	Territorial
Not appearance conscious (e.g. weight, height, clothes, figure, hair, coordination, flashiness)	Hyper-conscious and hyper-sensitive to appearance
Attention tends to be deflected away	Draw attention to themselves by things (jewelry, cars, homes, et al)
Do all they can to protect and uphold their neighbor's welfare	Pre-occupied with comparing others' wealth, benefits, possessions to their own
Generous	Covetous
Spenders	Savers
Utilize all available resources	"Squirrel" things
Maintain confidences, appropriate communication	Gossip, innuendo, behind the back conversations are characteristic
No need for secrets	Keep secrets
Give gifts freely	Gifts have strings attached
Relationship unconditional	Relationship is conditional
Want to reach out	Don't want to get involved
Concerned	Aloof
"I'll be there if you need me"	"See ya!"
Willingly works even amid unfair treatment and conditions	Always expects "something for nothing"
Will undergo humiliation and pain to assist others	Avoid embarrassment and risk for others
Always growing	"Stuck"
Encourages others growth	Restricts others growth
Mistakes are the path to growth	Condemns, punishes mistakes
Don't need to be asked	Appreciate being asked and needed
Takes care of self and others	"Take care of me"
Sensitive and genuinely empathetic to other's pain	Insensitive to other's pain, needs
Is always there for friends, acquaintances, strangers, and even foes	Resists reciprocation of support, sacrifice
Seeks reconciliation	Seeks revenge
Seeks ways to provide help	Helpless: "I can't do it by myself!"
Goes out of their way	Just "too busy"
Performs well even under pressure	Tendency toward overwhelm
If it's not yours, respect it	"Take it and run"
Have learned the "secret" of contentment	"Make me feel good!" (food, money, attention, sex, religion, et al)
Seeks constructive, positive means to achieve goals through genuine dialogue and constructive conflict	Starts fights and perpetuates unrest but longs for "peace"
Always satisfied, but looking for new opportunities for growth	Never content, but unwilling to seek growth opportunities
Future-Oriented	Past-And-Immediate-Present Oriented
Words and promises have meanings	Words and promises can't be trusted
Keeps promises	"Intends" to keep promises
Direct	Indirect
Cooperative	Demanding
Sharing, Open	Controlling
Calls for teamwork for benefit of others	Call for "Teamwork" only for their benefit
Patient	Impatient
Mature	Immature
Sharing	Selfish
Faith is a truly permeating heart-and-soul reality	"Faith" is a shallow external facade
Approachable	Unapproachable
Submits to God's will to be done	High/unrealistic expectations of others to do things the right (i.e. "their") way
Love-driven	Fear-driven
Release everything to God's plan	If you can't control it, kill it!
What will be will be good	What will be will be (fatalistic)
Gospel-Driven	Law-Driven

Givers:

1) Givers provide and inject energy and enthusiasm.

2) Givers are positive thinkers with a vision for the future.

3) Givers have a capacity for risk, pain and enduring through the long haul.

4) Givers uphold, encourage and support others.

5) Givers trust leaders.

6) Givers are committed and accustomed to sacrifice, sometimes great sacrifice.

7) Givers are able to spot needs and fill them.

8) Givers require minimum support for maximum effectiveness.

9) Givers reciprocate trust and confidence.

10) Givers respect others and take relationships and people seriously.

A Warning To Givers Regarding Takers

No matter how much counseling, intervention, help, support and teamwork one offers to the "nice" taker, the taker will eventually and inevitably reject the giver once the givers gift is no longer wanted, needed, or deemed important.

The Vintage "Taker"

"Taker"'s can take all kinds of forms, but the common denominator is they are individuals who cry "unfair" or whine about being "victimized."

Not everyone gives or takes for the same reason. Instead, there are four basic combinations of "giver" and "taker" variables.

#1 Givers Who Give: The most altruistic of the four possibilities, givers who give are generous to a fault. No matter what they do, they just can't be paid back. Their value system, their faith, and their inclination is such that whatever they have they just want to give as freely, frequently and sacrificially as they can. It is what gives them joy.

#2 Givers Who Take: These include those who give for selfish reasons. They give to get. Whenever they give, they have strings attached. At first, recipients of their gifts, services, etc. may be enthralled, surprised, shocked or bewildered. But it doesn't take too long to see that the giving had a price tag attached. Often this can be a hideous, hypocritical sham of generosity. Their joy is not in giving. It is in controlling through often well-executed "bribes."

#3 Takers Who Give: This kind of taker is direct, appreciative and accepting of gifts, appreciation, honors, recognition, power, etc. They feel deserving of gifts, wages, bonuses and benefits. They will even fight tooth and nail to preserve their rights to receive what they have rightfully earned. However, once the rewards are in their possession, they give freely as #1's with no strings attached.

#4 Takers Who Take: This simply describes one as self-centered as #2, but who really cares very little (if at all) about anyone else's welfare, needs, etc. Taking all they can get, they hoard possessions, wages, services, et al. Of course, the more that is hoarded, the better it can be hidden behind a facade of very nice homes, cars, dress, jewelry, and other impressive titles, etc.

Insatiably driven to take more, the most sophisticated #4's seek and use anyone by any means possible to gain what they want. The more powerful and controlling they become, the more taking they do and the more people get taken and destroyed. Unfortunately in the Church, the more powerful they become they greater the facade they need to hide their "taking" agenda.

Of course, the greater the degree to which one's final objective is to take or give, one can expect greater use of taking or giving behaviors. Taking behaviors will also be characterized by a greater use of power plays or other controlling behaviors including intimidation, interrogation, poor-me, and/or aloof-ness.

For more information see. Ministry Health article #153 "Forty-Two Power Plays" and #63 "Four Types of Manipulators").

Givers: The Most Obvious Proof

Are you a "giver" or "taker?" The familiar words of Paul to the Corinthians comes to mind.

"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion [as a "taker" does], for God loves a cheerful giver."
(II Corinthians 9:7 NIV emphasis added)