You had me at "Kris"! From day one you always have and to a certain extent from a distance you always will. I can't let myself say it to you because you don't deserve to know, you don't deserve a chance! I've worked entirely too hard to put the pieces back together it took me years to get to this place.
And... yet... If I'm being completely honest with myself, my soul lights up when I talk to you! I feel it in my chest and in my gut that you feel the same way too. It's not my fault and it's not my job to convince you of anything and so I don't bother trying. I wish sometimes that it was just easier. I wish that you could just see what I see and not be afraid of it appreciate it and realize how it could make your life complete and BETTER! I wish you had more confidence in yourself, I wish that you weren't scared... I wish a lot of things but I keep it moving. I don't stop or pause or allow myself to go beyond that moment of hearing your voice and being in Heaven for that period of time. When the conversation is over I put you out of sight (sound) out of mind. Because I have to recognize that my heart is fucking fool when it comes to you and doesn't understand that the messes it creates and pulls me into my mind is left cleaning up later. It doesn't understand that because it wants and hopes and loves unconditionally that when it's not returned that it will break!
So... I have to be the strong one. I have to believe in myself encourage myself and continue to make my life better for me! I have to hope and believe that one day it will be the right time for the right someone to come into my life who isn't scared and who see's what it is that I am capable of offering and wants it! I can dream but when it comes to matters of the heart one person can't do it alone, and I refuse to let my heart drag me to those automatic and residual feelings...
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